


The Group Chat

by oh_no_what_plot



Series: The Group Chat Series [1]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Attempt at Humor, Drama, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Group chat, Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Secret Relationship, Texting, all of these are for different ships though, but hey, i don't know it, just like in the book right?, or at least, too much romance actually, what's angst?, why is that not a tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 15,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22074358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_no_what_plot/pseuds/oh_no_what_plot
Summary: In this modern group chat AU, we've got different ships, lots of snacks and a fair helping of obscure references. There's also: drama! millions of cliche tropes! the author replying to WAY too many comments!Enjoy! And if you don't, welp, there's no anti-kudos I guess.-------------------------------------------------------ORIGINAL SUMMARY (wow so long ago):There are at least 1000 works for this fandom and 0 of them are group chat fics, so it's my job to change that!
Relationships: (mentioned) - Relationship, Aedion Ashryver/Lysandra, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Dorian Havilliard/Chaol Westfall, Kaya Blackbeak/Thea Blackbeak, Manon Blackbeak/Elide Lochan
Series: The Group Chat Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670395
Comments: 145
Kudos: 163





	1. queen and king

**Author's Note:**

> Aelin = killitwithfire  
> Rowan = hawkice  
> Chaol = chaolbestfall  
> Dorian = magic;)  
> Manon = No  
> Nehemia = lightofeyllwe  
> Lysandra = shiftyourgazetome  
> Aedion = wolfofthenorth  
> Elide = goodbi  
> Lorcan = lorcanyounot  
> Nesryn = neithsarrow  
> Asterin = hahano  
> Yrene = yread  
> Sam = deadinside  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the series started with these three, so this fic will too

**OG trio**

killitwithfire: good morning losers

chaolbestfall: Why are you awake? It's 3:23am.

killitwithfire: and yet you have the strength for grammar

killitwithfire: ugh

chaolbestfall: So you're tired?

killitwithfire: duh

chaolbestfall: Then sleep, you idiot.

killitwithfire: first of all, how dare you

magic;): rude, chaol

killitwithfire: second of all, HOW DARE YOU

magic;): have some respect for our queen

chaolbestfall: Our queen? When did we establish this?

magic;): it's a fact

killitwithfire: THANK you dorian

killitwithfire: i promote you to...

magic;): *holds breath*

killitwithfire: king

chaolbestfall: Wait, what? You want to marry him?

magic;): are you jealous

chaolbestfall: Are you actually asking that?

killitwithfire: no he's like an ally king

killitwithfire: like of another kingdom

magic;): yessss thanks celeana

chaolbestfall: Please just call her Aelin,

magic;): she made me promise not to

chaolbestfall: It's been four months, Dorian.

killitwithfire: i appreciate the commitment

magic;): i'm glad :)

killitwithfire: :)

chaolbestfall: This is wholesome.

magic;): yeah lillian is awesome

killitwithfire: that's me. i'm lillian gordaina.

chaolbestfall: You and your aliases are ridiculous.

killitwithfire: ridiculously smart, you mean

chaolbestfall: I don't.

killitwithfire: go to sleep and leave me alone

chaolbestfall: Why were you even awake?

magic;): i bet she was texting rowan

killitwithfire: they were DEATH THREATS

magic;): suuuuuuuure

chaolbestfall: I bet.

killitwithfire: i hate you guys

magic;): no you don't

chaolbestfall: You've literally dated both of us.

killitwithfire: and we broke up

killitwithfire: so...

magic;): shit she's right

chaolbestfall: And what are you doing up, Dorian?

magic;): i could ask you the same thing

chaolbestfall: I asked first.

magic;): fine

magic;): i'm reading

chaolbestfall: SLEEP.

chaolbestfall: I leave for ONE DAY and this happens? Both of you, sleep now.

killitwithfire: hypocrite

killitwithfire: why are you awake huh?

chaolbestfall: I'm on a business trip, which you know, and there's a time difference.

magic;): oh

killitwithfire: ohhh

chaolbestfall: It's half past three in the morning! If either of you sends one more message, I will personally fly back and knock you out.

chaolbestfall: Good.

* * *

**Direct** **Messages**

killitwithfire: he'll never catch us

magic;): nice

magic;): now tell me what you and rowan were talking about that kept you up this late

killitwithfire: can i trust you

magic;): of course you can, dianna

killitwithfire: haha i thought you were doing that name thing to annoy chaol

magic;): i could but this is more fun

killitwithfire: true true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please kudos/comment/both if you're feeling extra generous!


	2. rowan is late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more characters? sure! also the relationships tags are updated so you guys know what's happening
> 
> there are so many ships in this fandom can you blame me

**power squad**

killitwithfire: rowan is late

killitwithfire: can you believe this

shiftyourgazetome: the injustice

wolfofthenorth: wtf lysandra

shiftyourgazetome: what?

wolfofthenorth: you literally stopped flirting with me to text?

shiftyourgazetome: yes

killitwithfire: *holds hand up for high five* goals

shiftyourgazetome: *high fives* goals

wolfofthenorth: really aelin?

killitwithfire: you guys are always flirting i really don't think it matters if you stop this one time

magic;): savage

magic;): adarlan's assassin takes no prisoners

killitwithfire: anyway we're missing the point

killitwithfire: rowan is fucking LATE

hawkice: trasffic

killitwithfire: a likely story

hawkice: butr asb treuye iones

wolfofthenorth: bro what does that even say

shiftyourgazetome: i think the third word is... 'true'?

magic;): the first one is definitely 'but'

killitwithfire: it says 'but a true one'

magic;): how do you know

killitwithfire: we have a... bond

shiftyourgazetome: a bond, hmmmm?

magic;): ship

killitwithfire: ew no leave me aLONE

hawkice: thatr';s so weeirsd

wolfofthenorth: oh i understood that one

killitwithfire: hurry up rowan

killitwithfire: i'm bored

hawkice: wqhat am supoposewd to do? flky ovewr the casrs?

killitwithfire: your name is hawkice you should be able to fly

hawkice: as idf yours isb fdully accuratew

shiftyourgazetome: she sets fire to everything it's completely accurate

wolfofthenorth: once she set fire to one of her favourite books by accident

magic;): WHAT?

magic;): HOW COULD YOU?

killitwithfire: IT WAS THE MOST DISTRESSING MOMENT OF MY LIFE

wolfofthenorth: your parents died when you were a child aelin

killitwithfire: i said what i said

magic;): you're on thin ice

hawkice: almosatr thewre

killitwithfire: good

shiftyourgazetome: being late to a date is a serious offence rowan

killitwithfire: it's not a date

hawkice: lysandsra sdtop

magic;): XD

wolfofthenorth: anyway moving swiftly on

wolfofthenorth: lysandra can you lOOK AT ME

shiftyourgazetome: oh yh we were having a conversation

shiftyourgazetome: bye

killitwithfire: she... shifted her gaze to him

magic;): ayy

hawkice: i have arricved

killitwithfire: FINALLY

* * *

**witches**

No: Asterin where are you

hahano: guess

No: No

hahano: y'know it's really funny when you do that because your username is also no

hahano: but yeah i'm buying groceries

No: Don't forget the peppers

hahano: there's a cute girl here!

hahano: you'd like her!

hahano: manooooooon

No: Just get the damn groceries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may continue the witch saga later (by which i mean probably next chapter) and introduce nehemia because she is awesome


	3. powers part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the squad discuss powers, manon meets someone new, and aelin laughs at everyone

**power squad**

chaolbestfall: I just don't understand why we're called the 'power squad'.

killitwithfire: because we are POWERFUL

shiftyourgazetome: damn right we are

killitwithfire: what did you think it was chaol?

chaolbestfall: I thought you were referring to some other kind of power.

shiftyourgazetome: like magic?

magic;): i have been summoned

killitwithfire: i would have fire powers

chaolbestfall: No question.

magic;): yes 100%

magic;): i'd have epic magic because have you SEEN my username?

killitwithfire: approved

killitwithfire: chaol you wouldn't need powers

killitwithfire: so you don't get one

chaolbestfall: Why do you hate me?

shiftyourgazetome: what about me?

lorcanyounot: i'd have strength

magic;): what

magic;): did he just log on to post that and then leave???

killitwithfire: he's rude like that

chaolbestfall: I think, Lysandra, that your power would be the power to change at will. You often disguise your views in order to get your views across and I think this would be reflected in your abilities. So I would say... a shapeshifter.

shiftyourgazetome: hell yeah i want to be a wolf

killitwithfire: two kinds of people

magic;): why worry about BEING a wolf when you're DOING a wolf ;)

killitwithfire: omg i'm telling aedion you wrote that

wolfofthenorth: he's right though

magic;): I KNEW IT

chaolbestfall: On a different note, I'm coming back today, so get ready.

killitwithfire: get ready how?

chaolbestfall: If your rooms aren't tidy, I will fight you.

magic;): i'm in danger

chaolbestfall: In more ways than one, Dorian.

killitwithfire: HAHASHAHAH

shiftyourgazetome: wait what i'm confused

wolfofthenorth: what's so funny?

killitwithfire: I'M DYING

killitwithfire: CHAOL LOOK YOU'VE KILLED ME

chaolbestfall: Finally.

shiftyourgazetome: is this one of your weird inside jokes?

wolfofthenorth: oh from when you all worked for dorian's father?

killitwithfire: you could say that

chaolbestfall: Dorian, are you okay over there?

magic;): no, you killed me too

magic;): see you later

chaolbestfall: Ok?

killitwithfire: PFFFFFFT

chaolbestfall: I'm confused.

killitwithfire: you're confused too?

killitwithfire: haha

wolfofthenorth: explain

killitwithfire: oh look a fire i better go byeee

wolfofthenorth: NO

* * *

**witches**

hahano: manon you'd LOVE her

hahano: seriously i'm adding her

No: No

No: This chat is for us only

hahano: we could use private messages if you only want to talk to me

hahano: i'm doing it

No: Stop!

_hahano has added goodbi_

hahano: manon, this is elide

hahano: elide, this is manon, my cousin

hahano: she can come off as rude but she's nice inside

No: I hate you sometimes Asterin

No: Whoever you are, you're going to have to leave

goodbi: hi!!! i'm elide :)

No: ...

No: Ok fine you can stay

hahano: let's all go bowling on saturday!

No: Why

goodbi: we can all to know each other :D

hahano: you can't say no to that face

No: I can

No: But not this time, ONLY because i have to buy some new books from town

goodbi: great!

hahano: hey elide you're so cute

goodbi: thanks!

* * *

**OG trio**

killitwithfire: I'M CACKLING

killitwithfire: ARE YOU GUYS EVEN THERE?

chaolbestfall: I'm waiting to board the plane.

magic;): yep

killitwithfire: ANYWAY i bet you're both very excited despite the threats

chaolbestfall: I am.

magic;): yep

killitwithfire: you're quiet dorian

magic;): he said i'm in danger in more ways than one

magic;): what do you think that means

killitwithfire: wow chaol you managed to get the little flirt flustered

chaolbestfall: I do it every day.

magic;): you're not wrong but i hate it

chaolbestfall: No, you don't.

magic;): nope

magic;): can you please ask the pilot to fly faster though?

killitwithfire: dude tidy your room

magic;): OH YEAH

magic;): thanks heir of fire

killitwithfire: god i love that nickname

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that everything i'm implying is being understood


	4. powers part 2 aka nehemia arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was meant to be a continuation of the last chapter but i got carried away with introducing nehemia because i loved her in the books and... yeah

**witches**

No: So the bowling is tomorrow night?

goodbi: yep! i'm so excited :)

hahano: i can't wait for you guys to meet

hahano: don't forget the money to pay them though

No: Elide do you have enough for the trip? i can cover your costs if needed

hahano: have no qualms, our grandmother is loaded

goodbi: thanks for the offer, but i'll pass

goodbi: i have enough :)

No: Can i ask why you use so many smiley faces?

goodbi: can i ask why you don't?

No: I

hahano: i am blessed to witness this

No: I will fire you asterin

hahano: you can't i'm the most loyal second-in-command you'll ever get

goodbi: second-in-command?

No: Assistant

goodbi: ohh

goodbi: you guys work together? that's so sweet!

No: I work, she annoys me

hahano: but i do it well

hahano: update: she walked into my room, hit me on the head and then left

hahano: this is evidence that i'm good at my job

goodbi: you live together too?

No: Yes

goodbi: i share a flat with a few people but it's pretty crowded

hahano: it's quite empty here, we have room

hahano: I HAVE AN IDEA

No: NO

* * *

**OG trio**

_magic;) has added lightofeyllwe_

magic;): my dad called her family over for dinner so i've added our favourite princess

lightofeyllwe: Hello everyone

killitwithfire: NEHEMIA YOU HAVE RETURNED

lightofeyllwe: Aelin! It's good to see you're still here!

killitwithfire: why wouldn't i be?

lightofeyllwe: When I was last here, I remember that you were almost kicked out?

magic;): that happened so many times

killitwithfire: this is my domain now

killitwithfire: i am in control

chaolbestfall: No, you're not, Aelin.

chaolbestfall: Hello, Nehemia. It's good to hear from you again.

lightofeyllwe: Thank you

killitwithfire: why is he here

magic;): he was summoned by the bs you just said

killitwithfire: rude

lightofeyllwe: I'm glad to see everything is as lively as it used to be

chaolbestfall: 'Lively' is certainly one way to put it.

lightofeyllwe: But I would rather be on whatever wider group chat you must have

lightofeyllwe: This chat is clearly for you three alone

killitwithfire: we can change the title if you want!

magic;): yeah no sweat

 _magic;) changed the group name from_ **OG trio** _to_ **adarlan friends**

lightofeyllwe: It's fine

lightofeyllwe: Besides, I'll have to meet your other friends at some point

killitwithfire: ok, i'll add you

_lightofeyllwe has left the group_

killitwithfire::(

magic;): this is sad

chaolbestfall: She is literally texting the chat right now.

killitwithfire: shhhHHH let us GRIEVE

chaolbestfall: Why am I still here?

* * *

**power squad**

hawkice: i thjink i'd hasve coldx popwers

wolfofthenorth: you've said

shiftyourgazetome: i reckon you and elsa would get along

hawkice: elsa ios gr4eat

shiftyourgazetome: damn right she is

wolfofthenorth: as long as i can fight i'm good

wolfofthenorth: i'd be a better fighter than chaol anyday

magic;): ding dong you're wrong

wolfofthenorth: where did you come from

magic;): well i came to add a new member but saw you texting liES

shiftyourgazetome: who are you adding?

magic;): nehemia

hawkice: WHAST

hawkice: I FINALLY GHET TO MEE6T5 HJER?

shiftyourgazetome: i never knew rowan was such a fanboy

magic;): you will be too once you meet her

shiftyourgazetome: can't wait, hurry up and add her now

_magic;) has added lightofeyllwe_

magic;): esteemed members of this group chat

magic;): i introduce to you

magic;): the one and only

magic;): princess nehmeia of eyllwe!!!

lightofeyllwe: Thank you, Dorian

wolfofthenorth: hello

lightofeyllwe: Hello, who are you?

wolfofthenorth: aedion

lightofeyllwe: Aelin's cousin?

wolfofthenorth: that's me

shiftyourgazetome: and i'm lysandra

lightofeyllwe: Ah yes

lightofeyllwe: Aelin called you 'that bitch'

shiftyourgazetome: i expect nothing less

shiftyourgazetome: i am THE bitch after all

killitwithfire: why has rowan been typing for so long?

magic;): beats me

chaolbestfall: Perhaps he's just really excited and trying to write an essay?

hawkice: Hi Nehemia! I'm Rowan. I've heard so much about you and you seem really nice!

magic;): OH MY GOSD ITS FULLY PUNCTUATED

shiftyourgazetome: NO SPELLING MISTAKES?!?!!!!

killitwithfire: what the FUCK

lightofeyllwe: It's good to meet you too, Rowan

hawkice: thanks

wolfofthenorth: what just happened

lorcanyounot: wow

shiftyourgazetome: EVEN LORCAN APPEARED TO COMMENT

chaolbestfall: All of you (except Nehemia) are messes.

killitwithfire: to be fair we do all love her THAT much

shiftyourgazetome: i am yet to find out

lightofeyllwe: I'm flattered

magic;): still shocked that rowan is such a fanboy though

wolfofthenorth: yes can we please address that ^

killitwithfire: later

killitwithfire: first let's discuss having a

killitwithfire: wait

_killitwithfire has removed chaolbestfall_

magic;): what the hell lillian

magic;): that's my bro

killitwithfire: uh huh

killitwithfire: i have a serious topic that chaol absolutely CANNOT know about

lightofeyllwe: Go on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger! but not really?  
> going off the way i've been posting so far, i might have the next chapter ready by tomorrow? but i'm super ready for the next chapter so we'll see
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COMMENTS!!!


	5. yrene who?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this was meant to about a party but it's now about drama and honestly that's about how well most of my real group chats go so i'm counting this as a success

**witches**

hahano: it's today! get ready and buckle up, because it is going to be WILD!

No: It's just bowling asterin

goodbi: i'm very excited!

hahano: i even invited the 13

No: All of them?

goodbi: who are they?

hahano: our squad

No: Our acquaintances, who we work with

hahano: we're all tight

goodbi: that's great! i can't wait to meet them, as well as you, manon :)

No: Same, i suppose

goodbi: i bet you're as cool in real life as you are here

hahano: if by 'cool' you mean 'cold as ice'

No: I'm going

hahano: ok see you tonight

goodbi: this is so awesome :)

* * *

**power squad**

magic;): you gonna explain why you just kicked chaol out?

killitwithfire: it wasn't that bad

magic;): STONE COLD

killitwithfire: FINE i'll tell you just give me a minute to explain

wolfofthenorth: go ahead sis

killitwithfire: ok so i was thinking, because chaol is back after his loooooong trip, we should have a party!

killitwithfire: tomorrow night!

shiftyourgazetome: it wasn't that long of a trip

killitwithfire: shh

shiftyourgazetome: excuse me?

killitwithfire: MAYBE it's just a thinly veiled excuse for a party but we're making it a surprise for chaol

wolfofthenorth: well he's out of the chat now so we can talk about him behind his back

wolfofthenorth: did i ever tell you about yrene?

shiftyourgazetome: this is the gossip i signed up for

shiftyourgazetome: spill babe

magic;): let's NOT do that

lightofeyllwe: I have to go now as I have duties to attend to, but I will be able to come tomorrow

killitwithfire: awesome!

killitwithfire: anyone else?

wolfofthenorth: hang on let me tell this story

magic;): i can and chaol should be free

killitwithfire: cool

shiftyourgazetome: guys shut up i want to hear this

shiftyourgazetome: i can come btw

lorcanyounot: i will be there

killitwithfire: and i happen to know rowan can come so we're good!

killitwithfire: also i'm inviting some surprise guests

wolfofthenorth: invite yrene

killitwithfire: i love you but please stop this

shiftyourgazetome: all this secrecy

shiftyourgazetome: tell us aedion

lorcanyounot: i am also lingering here for this story

wolfofthenorth: RIGHT

wolfofthenorth: so you know how chaol used to date a bunch of random girls?

shiftyourgazetome: i can count them on one hand

wolfofthenorth: he has never been a flirt

wolfofthenorth: but this one

wolfofthenorth: he truly didn't get along with her at first

wolfofthenorth: then somehow

wolfofthenorth: romance blossomed

shiftyourgazetome: TELL US DID SHE BANG HIM OR NOT

wolfofthenorth: yup

shiftyourgazetome: wHoOoOaaAAa

lorcanyounot: he always seems to

killitwithfire: i've been faithfully silent so far but i must intervene

killitwithfire: lorcan is 100% right he moved quickly with me too

wolfofthenorth: ew i don't need to know

wolfofthenorth: anyway they broke up and NOBODY KNOWS WHY

shiftyourgazetome: aelin and dorian will know

killitwithfire: i shall never tell

shiftyourgazetome: dorian i see you hovering tell us

lorcanyounot: yeah what's up with that you probably know all the details

magic;): yes i do, that's the issue

magic;): i don't want to know, there are too many regrets surrounding all of that

killitwithfire: guys can we discuss the PARTY TOMORROW

wolfofthenorth: what happened this is getting super mysterious

magic;): nah it's cool yrene and chaol are good friends at the moment

killitwithfire: yep, the whole break up was just a bad time so let's not address that

shiftyourgazetome: gotcha

shiftyourgazetome: but can i ask if chaol is still single?

magic;): yes

shiftyourgazetome: hmmm

wolfofthenorth: hey what the fuck

shiftyourgazetome: oh no worries i won't betray you in this way <3

wolfofthenorth: weirdly menacing but ok <3

killitwithfire: keep this romance aWAY

killitwithfire: right, time to discuss logistics for the party!

* * *

**adarlan friends**

chaolbestfall: Aelin, why did you do that?

chaolbestfall: I'm really mad right now.

magic;): sweetie just use capital letters

chaolbestfall: No, I have to maintain an image of calm.

killitwithfire: look it's nothing malicious honestly

chaolbestfall: If this is some kind of surprise, I swear...

chaolbestfall: Please add me back.

magic;): aaaaaaaaand now it is malicious

chaolbestfall: What happened?

magic;): they're talking about yrene and THAT whole thing

chaolbestfall: Oh.

killitwithfire: what do we say?

chaolbestfall: Just say we're good friends and it was just a hard time.

magic;): sure? they don't actually need to know anything, they can respect boundaries

chaolbestfall: Yeah. Let's not start drama.

killitwithfire: shame

chaolbestfall: You're not off the hook, though. You didn't have to kick me off earlier.

killitwithfire: oh look i gotta goooo

* * *

**Private Message**

neithsarrow: this is chaol, right?

chaolbestfall: Yes. Is this Nesryn?

neithsarrow: yes

neithsarrow: it's been a while, i was just wondering if you wanted to catch up?

chaolbestfall: Sure, I need to get a few things off my chest.

chaolbestfall: How about a coffee at Silent Beans?

neithsarrow: 10am?

chaolbestfall: See you there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way, i do not want to give off an anti-yrene vibe because she's cool
> 
> (two chapters in one day? wow)


	6. it's not a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why did nesryn text? what's going on? aaaaargh wait what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is: a mess

**Unnamed** **chat**

_shiftyourgazetome added wolfofthenorth_

_shiftyourgazetome added killitwithfire_

_shiftyourgazetome added hawkice_

_shiftyourgazetome added lorcanyounot_

_shiftyourgazetome changed the name from_ **Unnamed chat** _to_ **let's get chaol a new gf**

shiftyourgazetome: ok everyone

shiftyourgazetome: you see the title

lorcanyounot: why

shiftyourgazetome: he needs this ok? he's alone

wolfofthenorth: are you just bored or something?

shiftyourgazetome: yes, but also consider this:

shiftyourgazetome: you and i are together, aelin and rowan are y'know, lorcan once mentioned dating a girl called elide but no stats are available

lorcanyounot: they remain unavailable

shiftyourgazetome: we barely know nehemia so i can't tell with her

shiftyourgazetome: therefore chaol

killitwithfire: let's ignore that comment about rowan and me

killitwithfire: what about dorian? and why isn't he in this chat? he could be helpful

shiftyourgazetome: first, he might snitch on us and tell his buddy

shiftyourgazetome: second, he needs no help getting a date, have you seen his track record?

killitwithfire: ha

wolfofthenorth: what exactly are you saying 'ha' about

lorcanyounot: i want no part in this mess

_lorcanyounot has left the chat_

hawkice: who dfoes hje even likme>?

shiftyourgazetome: aedion darling?

wolfofthenorth: he had a thing with nesryn, and she's still here and single

shiftyourgazetome: got it

killitwithfire: what are you doing?

shiftyourgazetome: i texted nesryn that he's free

killitwithfire: he won't agree, you know

shiftyourgazetome: update: chaol now has a date tomorrow

killitwithfire: what the

hawkice: klol

wolfofthenorth: sorry aelin but you were way off

killitwithfire: i don't understand

killitwithfire: he's not looking to date

shiftyourgazetome: maybe he changed his mind

shiftyourgazetome: unless you still have feelings for him? hmmmm?

killitwithfire: absolutely NOT

wolfofthenorth: oh thank god

hawkice: im was gonnma say

shiftyourgazetome: ok, ok, sure

* * *

**power squad**

_killitwithfire has added chaolbestfall_

killitwithfire: yo welcome back

chaolbestfall: Words cannot describe how angry I am at you right now.

magic;): he really is

magic;): it's making my life a misery he's just grumpy

magic;): pls elentiya

killitwithfire: FINE i shall PUBLICLY APOLOGISE

killitwithfire: I'M SORRY CHAOL

chaolbestfall: I'll take it.

lightofeyllwe: Ah, yes, I came up with that nickname

killitwithfire: anyway chaol is back so can we discuss the DATE HE'S APPARENTLY GOING ON TOMORROW

shiftyourgazetome: getting straight to the point huh?

magic;): um what is this?

chaolbestfall: Wait, what date?

lorcanyounot: ugh stop this topic everyone i'm sick of it

wolfofthenorth: apparently he has a date with nesryn tomorrow

magic;): the fuck?

chaolbestfall: Hold on, this isn't what it looks like!

killitwithfire: well you kept it a secret from us so it's your own fault

hawkice: don't be emnbarresed chaoln , its goodx to have som,eone

shiftyourgazetome: how can it not be what it looks like?

shiftyourgazetome: you're going out to meet your ex at a cafe

shiftyourgazetome: just you two

shiftyourgazetome: it's pretty simple

chaolbestfall: We just want to catch up! How do you even know about this?

lorcanyounot: confess lysandra

shiftyourgazetome: i told her you were single and hinted she should go on a date with you to see if you might like to try again

shiftyourgazetome: she agreed

killitwithfire: oh chaol you didn't know it was a date?

wolfofthenorth: lol well that clears it up

shiftyourgazetome: oh ok i'll text her to warn her

shiftyourgazetome: sorry about all of this

shiftyourgazetome: or do you want to actually give it another try? because you can let this run its course

killitwithfire: no lysandra text her now

killitwithfire: chaol where are you

hawkice: hje's not hoverinjg

lorcanyounot: speaking of which, nehemia and dorian are the only other ones not currently talking about this

lorcanyounot: they are smart

lorcanyounot: lysandra, go obsess over chaol's love life somewhere else

lorcanyounot: i'm out

killitwithfire: me too

* * *

**adarlan** **friends**

killitwithfire: chaol

chaolbestfall: Oh thank goodness, someone who can genuinely help!

chaolbestfall: After that whole thing about Nesryn (which by the way, is just a misunderstanding), Dorian left and I can't find him.

killitwithfire: oh i know

killitwithfire: he's with me

chaolbestfall: Why did you announce it like that? I didn't even have a chance to explain.

killitwithfire: sorry, i was just annoyed you didn't tell me

killitwithfire: dorian knows it wasn't an actual date by the way, just wishes you told him

chaolbestfall: Can he come back, then?

magic;): no way we're playing uno

chaolbestfall: Without me?

killitwithfire: you deserve this

chaolbestfall: I'm coming over immediately.

magic;): you can bet we'll be piling all our plus fours especially for you

chaolbestfall: This is betrayal.

magic;): and this is the face of a man who does not care

killitwithfire: hurry up or we'll start the next game without you

chaolbestfall: Yeah, yeah, I'm just locking up.

* * *

**witches**

goodbi: that was so much fun

No: Agreed

hahano: i don't know what happened in that bowling alley and i don't think i want to

goodbi: let's just say your cousin is smart

No: I knew the whole innocent act was fake

goodbi: well i do prefer optimism but yeah

No: Anyway, i've decided i do like elide after all

No: And she is accepted into the thirteen

goodbi: yay thanks!

hahano: but... there's thirteen of us... that's the point...

hahano: you know why i don't even care about that i'm just jealous you made friends with manon so easily

No: I like her

goodbi: and i like you too!

hahano: ........ wait

hahano: i have a new mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started writing angst then deleted it all and had them play uno
> 
> writing goals


	7. is it a date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> manon's friends are devious but in a good way, the squad talks about chaol's not-date, and some other stuff is revealed behind the scenes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extra characters!  
> Sorrel = heartofstone  
> Vesta = thiefofhearts

**manon protection squad**

hahano: anyone active? urgent help needed

heartofstone: is it an emergency?

hahano: absolutely

heartofstone: so that means no

hahano: just HELP OK

thiefofhearts: don't worry about her, i'm here to help

heartofstone: if it's a romance problem, you mean

heartofstone: which it never is

heartofstone: and you're disappointed

heartofstone: every

heartofstone: time

thiefofhearts: :(

hahano: well you're in luck vesta

hahano: i want to get manon a date

thiefofhearts: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heartofstone: oh no

thiefofhearts: TELL ME EVERYTHING

* * *

**power squad**

killitwithfire: IT'S 9:45 AND I REPORT: CHAOL HAS LEFT AND IS GOING TO HIS "NOT-DATE"

shiftyourgazetome: whoaaaa what

shiftyourgazetome: i thought he wasn't dating rn???

magic;): we all met up and chatted about the confusion last night

magic;): and chaol decided to give it a go!

shiftyourgazetome: huh

killitwithfire: anyway i'm all set for you-know-what

wolfofthenorth: great

shiftyourgazetome: when chaol gets back he better detail everything

shiftyourgazetome: HE BETTER KISS HER

magic;): he better not

wolfofthenorth: ???

shiftyourgazetome: why not

killitwithfire: omg

magic;): it's weird to imagine

magic;): stop making me think about it

magic;): I'M GOING BYE

wolfofthenorth: okay...

shiftyourgazetome: my point still stands though

killitwithfire: i'm dying

wolfofthenorth: i'm mildly concerned

killitwithfire: LAUGHTER, I'M DYING OF LAUGHTER

shiftyourgazetome: at this point i'm willing to ignore aelin's laughter because she keeps laughing at random shit

lorcanyounot: me with all of you

killitwithfire: back at it with the savagery lorcan

lightofeyllwe: I wish you a pleasant date, Chaol!

lightofeyllwe: Though I am still a little in the dark as to why you left your previous partner, you two were very close

killitwithfire: i love you nehemia but please don't talk about that here

lightofeyllwe: They don't know?

killitwithfire: no

lightofeyllwe: That explains a lot, actually

killitwithfire: mm-hmm

shiftyourgazetome: MORE LIES, DECEIT AND SECRECY

hawkice: we sha,ll find ouytr someday

wolfofthenorth: you're here! finally

hawkice: rtude

killitwithfire: so i'll see you guys later

killitwithfire: gotta go!

hawkice: whertre

killitwithfire: i have a job

killitwithfire: YOU WORK WITH ME

killitwithfire: ARE YOU TEXTING AT WORK

shiftyourgazetome: why am i not surprised?

killitwithfire: I SEE YOUR PHONE UNDER THE COUNTER

hawkice: if yoy snitch okn me ij swear

killitwithfire: YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS

chaolbestfall: I have finished my coffee date!

shiftyourgazetome: tell us everythnig

chaolbestfall: She was very nice and we did stuff.

wolfofthenorth: riiiiight

wolfofthenorth: what stuff

shiftyourgazetome: ^

chaolbestfall: We both had coffee, talked and she told me about her father's business.

shiftyourgazetome: is she secretly loaded?

wolfofthenorth: he always did go for marriage early

killitwithfire: he almost proposed to me before i dumped him

shiftyourgazetome: aren't you at work?

killitwithfire: just thought you should know

chaolbestfall: I was not thinking of getting married to her, I assure you.

chaolbestfall: And thank you, Aelin, for that information. I'm sure everyone needed to know.

magic;): have you been taking sass lessons from lorcan?

magic;): because damn

lorcanyounot: i shall take the compliment

shiftyourgazetome: WAIT HE ALMOST PROPOSED TO AELIN?

wolfofthenorth: OH THANK GOD YOU DUMPED HIM

wolfofthenorth: who wants chaol as a brother in law

shiftyourgazetome: maybe nesryn's sister

chaolbestfall: I am not getting married to her.

wolfofthenorth: how are you so sure?

wolfofthenorth: you hated aelin at first and look where that almost went

shiftyourgazetome: be open minded, young chaol

chaolbestfall: I'm older than you.

chaolbestfall: Also, I am very much certain.

shiftyourgazetome: are you going on another date with her or not?

chaolbestfall: we're having dinner on tuesday

shiftyourgazetome: see?

magic;): dude

magic;): tuesday?

chaolbestfall: Yes.

chaolbestfall: Oh.

magic;): guess i'll hang out with aelin instead

wolfofthenorth: bros before hoes man

shiftyourgazetome: lol

shiftyourgazetome: but don't call her a hoe she's actually very cool

wolfofthenorth: sorry

wolfofthenorth: mates before dates

magic;): yup MATES before DATES

chaolbestfall: Ok Dorian, that's enough.

magic;): yeah you're right

killitwithfire: heheheheh

hawkice: whsat thev fyuck was thsat laugh aelin

* * *

**adarlan friends**

chaolbestfall: They fell for it!

killitwithfire: this is epic

magic;): the guys' night thing was a very nice touch, heir of terrasen

killitwithfire: heir of terrasen? wow that's a new one

magic;): but it works

killitwithfire: true

chaolbestfall: It really was a convincing plan, Aelin.

magic;): now they'll have no clue this is pricelesssss

chaolbestfall: Is the whole marriage thing true?

killitwithfire: they had a solid point chaol

magic;): ^

chaolbestfall: Oh, okay.

magic;): i feel the sadness through the text

magic;): and that's bad

killitwithfire: it is?

magic;): he is way better at kissing when he's happy

chaolbestfall: Right.

killitwithfire: heh

magic;): i'm just kidding i'm here if you need me

magic;): wanting to have a secure future isn't a bad thing babe

chaolbestfall: Thanks.

killitwithfire: ew affection

killitwithfire: either straight up flirting or absolute rudeness, that's what i'm about and what i expect from you

magic;): STRAIGHT?!?!!??!?!

killitwithfire: oh no here we go

chaolbestfall: Dorain, no.

magic;): AELIN OF THE WILDFIRE

magic;): MUST I REMIND YOU

magic;): THAT BEING STRAIGHT

magic;): IS GOING TO BE VERY VERY DIFFICULT FOR US

killitwithfire: i can't even be mad i walked into that one

chaolbestfall: Maybe you can't, but I can.

chaolbestfall: And I will.

magic;): shit

* * *

**Private Message**

No: So elide, are you free on tuesday?

goodbi: i am, actually!

No: Would you like to go to that restaurant you were pointing out at bowling? You said you've never had the chance to go

goodbi: i'd love to!

No: Great! I'll see you then?

goodbi: 8pm sharp :)

No: Dress nicely if you can though, apparently they have a strict dress code

goodbi: ok :)

No: I have to go now

No: Work duties, vesta is flirting with the patrons

goodbi: goodbi!

No: I see what you did there and i want to be angrier than i actually am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where is this going? well, they're going to-
> 
> i have no clue, i just thought typing that would make me think of something
> 
> party next... i think


	8. party time!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what the title says basically

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, heartofstone is Sorrel

**power squad**

killitwithfire: GUYS I'M SO EXCITED

chaolbestfall: About...?

killitwithfire: nothing

* * *

**witches**

No: I have an invitation to go to a party

No: Who wants to come?

hahano: party?

hahano: i'm in

hahano: wait whose party?

No: I mean, i was invited by dorian

hahano: oh, him

goodbi: i've heard of him

hahano: he usually throws good parties

hahano: especially if his neighbour aelin is involved

goodbi: i've heard of her too

goodbi: they're really popular

No: I asked, apparently she's helping out

hahano: 100% IN

goodbi: i'll come too

goodbi: i think my friend might be there

No: I can ask dorian

No: What's your friend's name?

goodbi: lorcan

hahano: that guy? how d'you know him?

goodbi: we dated ages ago

goodbi: we're just friends now, but it would be good to see him again

No: Turns out he'll be there

hahano: when is it?

No: Tonight at 7 he said

hahano: cool

goodbi: so you're friends with dorian?

goodbi: how?

No: Long story

hahano: their gay energies matched

goodbi: oh you like girls?

No: Yeah why?

goodbi: no reason, just wondering

hahano: nO rEaSoN

hahano: this is so frustrating

No: Really?

goodbi: i'm confused

hahano: UGH

* * *

**manon protection squad**

hahano: they're going to a party

hahano: i'm getting them drunk and then i'll set them up

hahano: foolproof

heartofstone: oh my god

* * *

**adarlan friends**

magic;): chaol can you grab a pack our usual party mix from the store?

chaolbestfall: Including the vodka?

magic;): especially the vodka

chaolbestfall: What are you planning?

magic;): i'm planning to have alcohol

chaolbestfall: I got that, but why?

magic;): JUST DO IT

killitwithfire: nike

magic;): omg ily

chaolbestfall: You never answered my question.

magic;): uh no worries

killitwithfire: BUY JUICE TOO

* * *

**power squad**

chaolbestfall: The music here is deafening, I have to text here.

killitwithfire: JUST YELL

chaolbestfall: I'm not wasting my voice.

shiftyourgazetome: i love how aelin still yells over text

killitwithfire: HELL YEAH

wolfofthenorth: xcome to the cxoerner ofr the room !!"11!!!

shiftyourgazetome: he's already so drunk

lorcanyounot: lightweight

killitwithfire: HEY LORCAN WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

lorcanyounot: elide

shiftyourgazetome: THAT'S her? but she's so nice?

wolfofthenorth: i wann azv meet youre girlkfdruiend

hawkice: at leasrt i'm,n not the oinly onew wiuth typos

lightofeyllwe: Dorian you have some very nice acquaintances

lightofeyllwe: I'm talking to someone called Kaltain

chaolbestfall: She used to be so awful, but then she went to do some volunteering somewhere in India and she's been so much more considerate since.

lightofeyllwe: Inspirational

shiftyourgazetome: ok i'm going to play never have i ever with aedion who's in?

killitwithfire: ME

hawkice: i'll find youi guyus

wolfofthenorth: there';ss so manhy peop;le herre i don'/t know

killitwithfire: WE CALLED EVERYONE WE KNEW

shiftyourgazetome: i found nesryn!!!

hawkice: brftinmg her too!

chaolbestfall: I don't want to join, but please update me.

chaolbestfall: Has anyone seen Dorian? He hasn't texted and I last saw him about half an hour ago.

wolfofthenorth: he';sz bhere

shiftyourgazetome: he looks drunk enough to spill secrets

killitwithfire: I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A BAD THING

killitwithfire: CHAOL WHY IS THAT A BAD THING AGAIN?

chaolbestfall: You're all drunk?

shiftyourgazetome: i'm not and lorcan probably isn't

lightofeyllwe: I'm sober

chaolbestfall: I was about to ask about Rowan because he usually manages in these situations, but I think even he's tipsy.

killitwithfire: THIS GIRL MANON JUST JOINED AND TBH SHE'S KINDA HOT

hawkice: shje looksb like she could kiull you wiyth one gla\re

shiftyourgazetome: a perfect match

lorcanyounot: she keeps looking at elide and i think she likes her

killitwithfire: DAMN IT

killitwithfire: IT'S A GOOD THING I'M HOT OR I MIGHT HAVE NO CHANCE THESE DAYS

hawkice: true

hawkice: wajit no

wolfofthenorth: choal caqn you beliuve tnat loecxan is a cvirgin?/

chaolbestfall: Wow.

chaolbestfall: Can someone ask who's read Fifty Shades of Grey?

hawkice: i caqn ask

killitwithfire: THREE PEOPLE TOOK SHOTS

killitwithfire: ME AQD DORIAN OF COURSE

lorcanyounot: why?

killitwithfire: WE MADE A DEAL TO BOTH READ IT

killitwithfire: THE THIRD PERSON WAS

killitwithfire: ELIDE

killitwithfire: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

lorcanyounot: i... kind of can

shiftyourgazetome: so she really isn't that innocent

chaolbestfall: How drunk is everyone?

hawkice: very

killitwithfire: HAHAHAHAHASAS

killitwithfire: DID YOU AALL SEE THAT?

chaolbestfall: What?

killitwithfire: ~HE J~UST FELL

shiftyourgazetome: she means dorian

chaolbestfall: Alright, I'm taking him to his room. The rest of you, stop playing. Clearly, none of you are innocent.

killitwithfire: YEAH IT TOOK ME A OSLID FIVE MIN~TES TO THISNK OF SOMETHOING I HAD NT@ DONE EVR

wolfofthenorth: lysandra wqill youyn go out wiythn me

shiftyourgazetome: we're already dating dumbass

wolfofthenorth: wqhnaswtryg

lightofeyllwe: I've missed a lot

* * *

**Private Message**

No: Is this chaol westfall?

chaolbestfall: That's me.

No: So you're who this party is for?

chaolbestfall: Who is this?

No: I'm manon

chaolbestfall: Oh, I see. The one with a crush on Elide?

No: I don't like her

No: I mean, as a friend, but not that way

chaolbestfall: Oh, ok. Sorry.

No: You're surprisingly polite

chaolbestfall: Thank you, so are you.

No: I meant to meet you in the past to give you a shovel talk, but that will have to be left for later

No: I texted to tell you that there is a girl called nesryn asking for you

chaolbestfall: Ah.

No: She says she's your girlfriend and i find that contradictory with what i know

chaolbestfall: I'll explain everything to you in a moment.

No: See you soon

* * *

**manon protection squad**

hahano: I DID IT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh what did asterin do~~~?
> 
> writing this chapter made me feel kinda drunk actually


	9. no after parties, just hangovers :(

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hangovers, roommates and passive aggressiveness

**adarlan friends**

chaolbestfall: You're so irresponsible.

killitwithfire: which of us?

chaolbestfall: Both of you.

magic;): i'm hungover and chaol is playing loud rock music to spite me

killitwithfire: ouch

magic;): never ever ever ever get such a passive aggressive partner

chaolbestfall: I'm the passive aggressive one?

killitwithfire: so not manon then?

magic;): i still can't believe you were hitting on her for like fifteen minutes

killitwithfire: it would've worked too if it wasn't for elide

magic;): oh yeah she told me about her and that's a solid crush

chaolbestfall: I noticed that, too.

killitwithfire: oh they kissed btw

magic;): WHAT

killitwithfire: yeah and then manon ran away and her other friend ran after her cheering and yelling

magic;): must have been asterin

chaolbestfall: They were drunk, they might regret it.

magic;): it's a little soon but it's good she may end up dating someone

magic;): especially someone to balance out the coldness

killitwithfire: i have a backstory with elide

chaolbestfall: You have a backstory with everyone.

killitwithfire: look she's just really quiet and nice

killitwithfire: i approve

magic;): yeah but the running away might've been a bad sign

magic;): you know what i might just private message her

chaolbestfall: Get out of bed and help me clean up.

magic;): please no

magic;): TURN IT DOWN I'M DYING HERE

killitwithfire: even i can hear the bass through the wall

magic;): NORMALLY LED ZEPPELIN IS OK BUT NOT NOW

magic;): PLE

killitwithfire: you killed him

chaolbestfall: He should have stayed sober.

killitwithfire: brutal

* * *

**witches**

goodbi: um so

goodbi: do you remember what happened last night?

hahano: i do and i think y'all should address it

No: Don't use "y'all" on this chat

goodbi: manon can we meet up and talk about it?

No: I'm very busy

hahano: i can take your shift GO TALK ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS

goodbi: it's nothing negative! don't worry :)

No: Fine

* * *

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: hahahhahahahhhahaha drunk aedion is hilarious

wolfofthenorth: please don't start

shiftyourgazetome: he looked so happy to be my boyfriend

shiftyourgazetome: it was very sweet i assure you

lorcanyounot: i regret joining your stupid game

hawkice: you've alwazys madfe fun of m,e for being single

hawkice: i hopee you regtret it

killitwithfire: i yelled even on this chat? yep sounds like drunk me

magic;): sounds like sober you too

killitwithfire: and sober YOU

chaolbestfall: I can confirm that.

magic;): i would never deny it

magic;): aelin and i would both be the first to yell on this chat

killitwithfire: we're soulmates

shiftyourgazetome: hmmmmmmmm?

magic;): platonic duh

chaolbestfall: This is so weird.

wolfofthenorth: my soulmate would be lysandra

wolfofthenorth: but not platonic HAHA

shiftyourgazetome: soulmates?

shiftyourgazetome: woah our relationship has not jumped onto that boat yet

killitwithfire: just look at that metaphor!!!

killitwithfire: wow!!!

killitwithfire: such boat!!!

killitwithfire: much leaping!!!

chaolbestfall: Please shut up.

hawkice: aelin ugth nno

killitwithfire: :(

magic;): look! now you made her sad! >:(

lorcanyounot: stop the emojis at once

wolfofthenorth: they're making my hangover worse

shiftyourgazetome: how??

wolfofthenorth: they just DO

chaolbestfall: Maybe you guys shouldn't be staring at your glaring phone screens while you have a hangover.

chaolbestfall: Just a thought.

magic;): look chaol as much i love your passive aggressiveness (not) this is NOT THE TIME

chaolbestfall: You're all lucky you don't have dumbass roommates.

lorcanyounot: well

hawkice: excxuswe /M,E

hawkice: m,ine is super rumde to me

magic;): SAME

killitwithfire: hahahahahahahhaha i don't envy any of you

killitwithfire: i'm so glad i room alone

lightofeyllwe: I was about to suggest I stay at yours when I visit you all in a short while

lightofeyllwe: But I do not want to intrude on your privacy

killitwithfire: no please stay with me

lightofeyllwe: Thank you!

wolfofthenorth: ha

shiftyourgazetome: my room's empty ;)

wolfofthenorth: ;)

killitwithfire: EW STOP STOP

killitwithfire: SHOO GET OFF THIS CHAT

killitwithfire: geez

* * *

**Private Message**

neithsarrow: it's an interesting plan, i suppose

chaolbestfall: Only if you don't mind?

neithsarrow: it would be extremely funny

neithsarrow: and i would like to be known as more than "chaol's ex" to your group

neithsarrow: "the one who tricked them" is far more elegant

chaolbestfall: Hopefully, it will not be an extended project.

neithsarrow: i would like to know thing, however

chaolbestfall: What is it?

neithsarrow: why the secrecy? why have you avoided dating for so long only to start again now

neithsarrow: although it isn't real dating now anyway

chaolbestfall: It's kind of personal, and I don't think I'm ready to share the reason yet.

neithsarrow: very well

neithsarrow: you don't have to tell me, i have other motivations for taking part in this prank

neithsarrow: after all, can you imagine their faces?

chaolbestfall: True. I'll see you on Tuesday!

neithsarrow: see you, chaol

* * *

**Private Message**

shiftyourgazetome: i'm 50% sure aelin and chaol have a thing

wolfofthenorth: possibly

shiftyourgazetome: the other 50% says is dorian and aelin

wolfofthenorth: so who is it? chaoleana or doraelin?

wolfofthenorth: (do you like how i used specific names for specific significance?)

shiftyourgazetome: (naturally)

shiftyourgazetome: and i suppose we'll have to wait and see...

shiftyourgazetome: it must be one of them, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you see what i did there?
> 
> [[also the five maeve buddies (are they called the cadre?) are all roommates because that sounds chaotic enough for what i glimpsed of them in the books]]


	10. it's a date!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> planning the date

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: alright let's have a double date!

chaolbestfall: What?

wolfofthenorth: haha yes let's meet nesryn it's been ages

chaolbestfall: I guess you can come...

shiftyourgazetome: fab

killitwithfire: this sounds chaotic i want in

shiftyourgazetome: not unless you have a date

killitwithfire: dorian will come with me

wolfofthenorth: he's not even here

magic;): i'm going with aelin deal with it bro

shiftyourgazetome: anyone else joining the triple date?

lorcanyounot: no

lightofeyllwe: I have commitments, sadly

hawkice: thast's fasir, ypou azre a princess

lightofeyllwe: That's sweet of you, thank you for understanding

magic;): if i didn't know he likes aelin, i'd be sure he's got a crush on nehemia

hawkice: npo i just think she'sz so cfool

shiftyourgazetome: maybe rowan and aelin should be the ones together on this triple date

magic;): fuck yeah

magic;): ROWAN YOU'RE GOING WITH AELIN NOW

killitwithfire: and you're going with...?

magic;): you'll see

magic;): i have many options

shiftyourgazetome: classic casanova

magic;): ;)

wolfofthenorth: well then i guess that's tomorrow?

killitwithfire: tuesday, yh

chaolbestfall: Now that that's sorted, can we address that Rowan didn't deny his liking of Aelin?

magic;): you write like an old person

killitwithfire: rude!

killitwithfire: old people write less formally

hawkice: i don't hayte azelin anym,ore

killitwithfire: thanks bud

wolfofthenorth: anyway yep that's all done now

wolfofthenorth: let's discuss the weather

* * *

**witches**

No: My friend has demanded access to this chat

hahano: who

No: Dorian

goodbi: add him

hahano: add him

No: Fine

_No has added magic;)_

hahano: DORIAN

magic;): IS THAT ASTERIN?

hahano: YES

magic;): IT'S BEEN TOO LONG

No: You met two days ago

magic;): i know right :(

goodbi: hello dorian it's elide!

magic;): WHOA

magic;): manon's girlfriend!

goodbi: we're not dating

No: She isn't my girlfriend

magic;): too bad, you'd be great together

No: I thought you were drunk when you met her

magic;): we already know each other, you know this manon

hahano: we must all meet up!

magic;): THAT is why i came here

No: Oh no

magic;): my friends are organising a double/triple/more date and i want you guys to come too

magic;): you can all meet my friends!

goodbi: we did the other day, though?

magic;): under the influence of ALCOHOL, yes

magic;): this will be sober and fun!

magic;): i'm thinking manon and elide can go together because they saw you guys kiss and it's believable

goodbi: they saw what

magic;): and if asterin doesn't mind she can come with me

hahano: depends, will there be hot people there?

magic;): chaol's pretty hot

magic;): or aelin and lysandra if you like girls

hahano: i'm in and so are two of my friends

No: Don't tell me you invited sorrel and vesta

hahano: hahayes

goodbi: don't worry manon, sorrel will be sensible!

hahano: and vesta will be a lot of fun

No: Fine

No: Fine, i'll join in

magic;): EPIC

_No has removed magic;)_

* * *

**adarlan**

magic;): so basically now it's a six pair date!

killitwithfire: so is manon dating elide or not? i need to review my options

magic;): not yet but soon

killitwithfire: welp

killitwithfire: if you can't be with 'em, ship 'em

chaolbestfall: You two, honestly.

magic;): ik we're so awesome

chaolbestfall: That was not what I was about to say.

killitwithfire: wait a hot second how many people are actually couples in this 'date'?

magic;): just lysandra and aedion

magic;): most others are great pairings tho

chaolbestfall: For example, Rowan and Aelin are very much into each other.

magic;): and manon and elide are crushing hard idk where they're at

killitwithfire: and sorrel and vesta?

magic;): i literally have no clue

magic;): if they dated, i wouldn't be surprised, but if they were just friends, i wouldn't be surprised too

chaolbestfall: Obviously Nesryn and Asterin are in this as friends, but you're right, Dorian. These are good pairings.

magic;): thx babe

chaolbestfall: Ok, that's just a bunch of random letters. Can you not try some grammar?

magic;): neVER

magic;): I SHALL NEVER STOP

killitwithfire: *whispers* same

chaolbestfall: Dorian do you want to sleep on the couch or something?

magic;): Oh, would you look at that, I stopped!

killitwithfire: ~HAH|QQQQQQQQSD~HIWEB V

chaolbestfall: I knew that would work.

magic;): you good there aelin?

magic;): aelin?

chaolbestfall: Ah, she broke.

magic;): not again

chaolbestfall: Couch.

magic;): shit

magic;): i mean

magic;): Not again!

killitwithfire: '#;[POLIR3GWTE4JRHFN B

* * *

**Private Message**

No: So this is our first official date?

goodbi: yep! but secretly :)

No: It's going to be a mess, I warn you

goodbi: it'll be fun!

No: I guess

No: See you tomorrow then

goodbi: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i no longer control these characters. they control my writing.
> 
> so yep basically stuff happened here that i didn't plan
> 
> ALSO TEN CHAPTERS?????


	11. mega means 1000000 but there's only 12 people here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's tuesday and there is a mega date (is it just a hangout at this point?) and why are they texting? this is a date, show some commitment guys!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to clear up who's on this date:  
> chaol + nesryn  
> lysandra + aedion  
> aelin + rowan  
> manon + elide  
> dorian + asterin  
> sorrel + vesta  
> but are they ALL there as romantic couples???? (no)

**power** **squad**

shiftyourgazetome: one hour until the date

shiftyourgazetome: you'd better all be ready

killitwithfire: currently attempting to get my dress on properly

chaolbestfall: While texting?

killitwithfire: yes

lorcanyounot: this is our queen...

magic;): and we are PROUD OF HER

shiftyourgazetome: oh yh who are you bringing?

magic;): just a friend

wolfofthenorth: a friend hmm?

killitwithfire: suuuuure

hawkice: do you e ven hsve female frrineds you haven't datedd?

magic;): uh, yes?

magic;): why do you Doubt me?

chaolbestfall: Why is there a capital letter there?

magic;): because doubting me is so rare it deserves one

chaolbestfall: You have awful grammar.

magic;): i know right?

chaolbestfall: We've been over this.

killitwithfire: SO ROWAN WHAT ARE YOU WEARING I NEED TO MATCH COLOURS?

hawkice: blue

killitwithfire: good i'm wearing white

killitwithfire: well, i'm trying to

magic;): is your dress stuck over your head?

killitwithfire: yep

magic;): i'll come over and help, i've had experience

lorcanyounot: we know

shiftyourgazetome: you mean you've worn a dress or undressed girls?

magic;): ;)

wolfofthenorth: NO DO NOT TOUCH MY SISTER

wolfofthenorth: I TRUST CHAOL MORE SEND HIM

magic;): um... he's the one who banged her?

chaolbestfall: I swear, Dorian...

shiftyourgazetome: tmi

magic;): you guys asked for it

magic;): just saying

magic;): anyway her dress is on

killitwithfire: we're playing uno now

wolfofthenorth: ???

killitwithfire: we played it the other day and remembered how much we love it

chaolbestfall: I'm playing too, wait for me.

wolfofthenorth: i wish nehemia could come and start some GOOD conversation

hawkice: i know3 right?>

chaolbestfall: I am currently holding 52 cards.

shiftyourgazetome: it's like the meme!

killitwithfire: yES

magic;): oh my date's early

magic;): we don't match :(

magic;): she's wearing black

shiftyourgazetome: what are you wearing? how can you not match?

killitwithfire: different shade of black

hawkice: ohh

wolfofthenorth: uh

shiftyourgazetome: tut tut

shiftyourgazetome: you should have coordinated

chaolbestfall: This is why you should wear white.

killitwithfire: white doesn't match with a whole HOST of colours chaol sweetie

chaolbestfall: What?

killitwithfire: you know my orange fire dress?

chaolbestfall: Oh.

wolfofthenorth: anyway it's time to go let's GO

shiftyourgazetome: can't wait to meet everyone's dates!

hawkice: hbere we go

* * *

**adarlan friends**

killitwithfire: HERE WE GO

magic;): hehe little do they know i told chaol to wear white on purpose because i knew it would match mine

chaolbestfall: What the hell, Dorian.

chaolbestfall: Who told Nesryn to wear that shade of green?

killitwithfire: me

magic;): ok ok so asterin is totally in on this so

_magic;) has added hahano_

killitwithfire: ayy

chaolbestfall: Why are you texting during this?

hahano: you are too sucker

killitwithfire: guys we have to make the prank more ELABORATE

magic;): go on

killitwithfire: ok so you know how nesryn and chaol won't flirt even if fake dating?

hahano: buzzkills

magic;): you want asterin and i to?

killitwithfire: if it's ok with all parties

chaolbestfall: It might lighten the mood.

hahano: tru, idc about whatever the hell aedion is talking about

magic;): sure, let's do this

* * *

**witches**

No: What the fuck asterin

No: What are you two doing

hahano: shh we planned this

goodbi: this is hilarious

goodbi: oh look at lysandra's face!

No: Which one is she?

goodbi: i'll point her out, give me a second

No: Oh the hot one

hahano: well aelin's hot too so not the best description

goodbi: chaol looks so done

No: At least we can relate on some level

hahano: wait i have an idea

goodbi: what is it

goodbi: OH WOAH

No: Scandalous

goodbi: AHHAHA LOOK AT ROWAN'S EXPRESSION PURE GOLD

No: ... True

hahano: i love how dorian's going along with it

hahano: this is turning into that episode of friends where those two pretend to go on a date until one of them cracks

hahano: except that we're doing it to ourselves

goodbi: that episode was really funny

No: Why are you two carrying on

No: This is ott even for dorian

hahano: oh they all look suspicious we're gonna tone it down

goodbi: phew that was close

goodbi: this is so exciting!

No: It's like a movie

goodbi: exactly!

hahano: right attention is on chaol

hahano: someone PLEASE ask him if he's taking her name when they get married

goodbi: challenge accepted

No: Wait no don't do that

hahano: y not?

No: Hey does aelin have a crush on rowan or something?

hahano: yes

goodbi: definitely!

No: And there i was thinking she liked me

hahano: yes

goodbi: definitely!

No: I'm confused

hahano: you can have a crush on two people at once manon

No: I know, it's just

No: I don't know

hahano: ok dessert over it's time for the final phase!

goodbi: i am very excited

* * *

**Private Message**

chaolbestfall: Where are you two going?

magic;): to the ice cream shop

chaolbestfall: We just had dessert.

magic;): we both know i can never have too much dessert

chaolbestfall: Well, as long as you don't tire yourself out...

magic;): those ellipses mean something

magic;): AM I ALLOWED BACK OFF THE COUCH?

chaolbestfall: Maybe.

magic;): oh thank god

magic;): i was scared you were really going to kick me out of the bed because of those +4s

chaolbestfall: Ok, I'm back at the apartment.

magic;): I'M RUNNING

* * *

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: and then we went home, haunted by what we had witnessed

lorcanyounot: i see

lorcanyounot: that was a long explanation

lorcanyounot: such a descriptive and captivating narrative

wolfofthenorth: i can't believe dorian managed to steal the attention from chaol

chaolbestfall: He steals many things from me.

killitwithfire: AEFGFDHGYKTDH

hawkice: i kjnow what yoiu meann, shariung a livng space can be diffficult

hawkice: yesterdsay, fenrys stole my besdt pencils

chaolbestfall: Not what I meant but I'll take it.

killitwithfire: RIGHT BUT FIRST LET'S ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

killitwithfire: AKA ROWAN BEING SUPER JEALOUS OF THAT WAITER WHO I TRIED TO FLIRT WITH

shiftyourgazetome: yh he even refused to tip

hawkice: this is ridiculouus

wolfofthenorth: it's time for an interrogation!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, i kept writing short bits and never had time to post!
> 
> thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!


	12. brownies mmm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uniform, brownies and clues as to where they work

**adarlan friends**

chaolbestfall: Who did it?

killitwithfire: ???

hahano: are you including me in this question?

chaolbestfall: No, you don't live nearby. It can't apply to you.

chaolbestfall: I'm referring to the matter of my uniform.

hahano: wait what's your job?

chaolbestfall: The uniform is for my volunteering with the army.

magic;): it looks great on him

hahano: ayy

magic;): can we keep her please?

killitwithfire: i approve

chaolbestfall: We'll have to remove her eventually, you know.

hahano: nooo

hahano: don't delete me i'm cool

magic;): i'll add manon too, that would make sense

_magic;) has added No_

No: Jesus christ

magic;): you're not even Christian

No: Idc i'm just done with you all

killitwithfire: why

No: Not you, mainly asterin and dorian

chaolbestfall: We still haven't sorted this.

chaolbestfall: I do not wish to go to work wearing a purple uniform.

No: Wtf

magic;): twas me

magic;): it'll help you stand out

killitwithfire: i helped

magic;): she gave me the paint

chaolbestfall: Why do you torment me?

killitwithfire: i'm your ex

magic;): it's my job

magic;): i'm preparing ;)

chaolbestfall: ...

chaolbestfall: Asterin is here.

No: Dumbass

killitwithfire: YOU FOOL

magic;): OH SHIT

hahano: i'm confused

No: Good

magic;): ok i'm going to go now

chaolbestfall: Manon, if you want to leave, you can.

No: I think i have to keep an eye on you lot

chaolbestfall: Thanks, I guess.

* * *

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: ok guys who wants brownies

wolfofthenorth: yes i would like some

killitwithfire: ME!

chaolbestfall: If you don't mind.

hawkice: i woulsd

magic;): !!! I DO !!!

lorcanyounot: me

shiftyourgazetome: i'm grabbing some on the way over to work

killitwithfire: i allow the lateness for this excuse

hawkice: why zare you the b oss?/

killitwithfire: because i'm epic

chaolbestfall: Inheritance.

magic;): hey lysandra don't forget to stop off at ours first

shiftyourgazetome: duh

wolfofthenorth: do we need to pay you back?

shiftyourgazetome: YOU don't

shiftyourgazetome: the others do

killitwithfire: i'll pay but only because i LOVE those brownies

shiftyourgazetome: ok boys i'm here

shiftyourgazetome: hey it's nesryn!

hawkice: i cdidn't know you woerked qwith her?

magic;): she worked in a different branch but moved here recently

magic;): turns out she's been working the night shift for ages

chaolbestfall: It's nice to have her work with us.

wolfofthenorth: REALLY HMMMMMM

wolfofthenorth: I BET

killitwithfire: oh here we go

lorcanyounot: please no

wolfofthenorth: I REMEMBER LAST TIME YOU WORKED WITH SOMEONE YOU WERE DATING

wolfofthenorth: MY COUSIN

wolfofthenorth: AELIN

shiftyourgazetome: we got that hun

wolfofthenorth: YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID

chaolbestfall: I regret it, to be honest.

killitwithfire: same

wolfofthenorth: YOU HAD S E X WITH HER

magic;): we don't need the reminder buddy

wolfofthenorth: I FEEL SORRY FOR NESRYN

wolfofthenorth: SHE SEEMS QUITE DECENT

chaolbestfall: I'm not going to sleep with her.

shiftyourgazetome: don't close your mind to it chaol

shiftyourgazetome: just because he's being weird

magic;): who?

shiftyourgazetome: aedion??? obviously??? who else???

magic;): oh idk

killitwithfire: right anyway

chaolbestfall: Thanks for the brownies, Lysandra.

hawkice: fcome anbd give US som e now

shiftyourgazetome: cool it ice boy

hawkice: why me

lorcanyounot: mood

killitwithfire: ok you lot get back to work there are people waiting

magic;): celeana? being responsible? it's more likely than you think

shiftyourgazetome: ew stale meme

magic;): i'm offended

wolfofthenorth: can you believe this?

shiftyourgazetome: ikr

killitwithfire: GET BACK TO WORK

killitwithfire: DO YOU WANT TO BE FIRED?

hawkice: no

chaolbestfall: Dorian, are you typing an essay there?

shiftyourgazetome: you're right, he's been typing for ages

killitwithfire: it's either an elaborate emoticon thing or a looooong text

chaolbestfall: Probably the former.

magic;): One cannot keep up with the accelerating rate at which media is being consumed and trends made, so it is incredibly ignorant of you to assume that I should be able to when we have the same limited amount of time in which to find and identify these trends. There is also an amount of time needed to understand and implement the correct device in the appropriate context, and there is no doubt that some could be used incorrectly, so perhaps you should instead praise the use of this device despite how long ago it was most commonly used, especially when it was used at the optimal point in the conversation.

lorcanyounot: chaol was wrong

killitwithfire: what the fuck

shiftyourgazetome: i

wolfofthenorth: ??????!!!?!?!?!?!?

shiftyourgazetome: i'm speechless

hawkice: what justv hsaopponed

chaolbestfall: That was amazing!

magic;): thanks

chaolbestfall: The punctuation was on point, and you avoided slang! This is such an achievement. Can you do this more often? Maybe every text?

magic;): no

killitwithfire: iwgbpPWEGOHIBpiewgbvi -329e#v

killitwithfire: sorry that was my forehead

killitwithfire: i was laughing

wolfofthenorth: gEt BaCk tO WoRk

killitwithfire: i WILL fire you

shiftyourgazetome: I HAVE BROWNIES AND I'M HERE

hawkice: fuckn the custgmers, get those brownises!

* * *

**witches**

No: Did you see that?

hahano: lysandra running away from a bunch of her friends? yep

goodbi: i did too!

hahano: oh yeah, i never got time to ask, but why are you sitting and staring out of the window?

hahano: you don't even work here

No: Why so many questions, asterin?

goodbi: i just love the atmosphere

hahano: *suspicion*

* * *

**Private Message**

unknown: WATCH OUT NESRYN

unknown: HE WHO YOU TRUST IS MANIPULATING YOU

neithsarrow: what? who is this?

unknown: I WARN YOU

unknown: CHAOL HAS ULTERIOR MOTIVES

neithsarrow: how do you know about me?

unknown: I HAVE WARNED YOU

neithsarrow: what are you talking about

neithsarrow: who is this?

neithsarrow: hello?

neithsarrow: this is ridiculous

_neithsarrow has blocked unknown_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a vague cloud in the depths of my imagination... it whispers to me what i should write... it tells me the plot as it unfolds... basically i have no clue where this is headed but there may be dramatic stuff
> 
> but also humour! hopefully! yay!


	13. the swing metaphor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there is a secret. i planned to reveal it in chapter, like 20? but it seems now is the right time.

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: i'm just saying, if i wasn't into guys, aelin and i would be an epic power couple

wolfofthenorth: is it because she looks a bit like me?

shiftyourgazetome: no, she's just the only one who can match my attitude

killitwithfire: you know what? you're right

killitwithfire: we'd be iconic

hawkice: i mean you're not werong

hawkice: bhut are you ssure?

chaolbestfall: Wait, are you guys cool with that?

wolfofthenorth: cool with what?

chaolbestfall: You know, people who aren't straight?

shiftyourgazetome: duh

shiftyourgazetome: i'm a strong ally

killitwithfire: she has to be, aedion's bi

wolfofthenorth: can you ask before saying

killitwithfire: you're out, you just act like it's scandalous

chaolbestfall: I see.

hawkice: that'sx jyst him, we're all chil,l

lorcanyounot: after all, i can't say that the whole cadre is straight

killitwithfire: WAIT TELL US MORE

lorcanyounot: no why did i even speak up

lightofeyllwe: I am myself rather inclined towards girls, though I often do not have any romantic interest

killitwithfire: nehemia! where have you been?

lightofeyllwe: I have duties, but I saw I wasn't missing very much

magic;): yh just an awesome date

lightofeyllwe: I would not have come, you see

magic;): i mean i brought a friend, you can come with me next time if you don't want a romantic date

lightofeyllwe: Thank you for the offer, Dorian

shiftyourgazetome: A FRIEND???

wolfofthenorth: YOU TWO WERE FLIRTING A LOTT FOR FRIENDS

magic;): nah that was just for fun

magic;): wait am i allowed to tell?

killitwithfire: YOU RUINED IT

hawkice: oh , it was jkust a prsnk?

magic;): yeah, but it was THE FUNNIEST

chaolbestfall: That's true.

shiftyourgazetome: wait we went off-topic

shiftyourgazetome: why did you need to know?

wolfofthenorth: you got something you want to tell us

killitwithfire: Aedion No, You Don't Say It Like That

* * *

**adarlan friends**

chaolbestfall: Shit.

magic;): you dug this hole babe

chaolbestfall: What do I say?

No: What now?

chaolbestfall: I will send screenshots.

_chaolbestfall has sent a picture_

_chaolbestfall has sent a picture_

hahano: someone better respond fast

hahano: they expect an instant answer

chaolbestfall: Any ideas?

killitwithfire: i can just tell them i'm pan

No: They would probably know you know they know

chaolbestfall: No, you would never ask for a preamble.

magic;): i can do it

hahano: you sure?

magic;): maybe they'll stop calling me a womaniser

magic;): i haven't dated a woman in years

chaolbestfall: I'd hope not.

No: You could just claim that you asked out of curiosity

magic;): no no listen

magic;): this is sounding like a good idea

killitwithfire: what if they figure out about you and chaol?

magic;): were we planning to hide that forever?

chaolbestfall: I was, but I guess we can't just send them invites the day before.

hahano: invites?

killitwithfire: omg

magic;): you are a dumbass

magic;): cute but still a dumbass

hahano: THE DAY BEFORE???

hahano: INVITES

hahano: oh my FUCKING GOD

chaolbestfall: I kind of forgot she was here.

No: How? give me tips for that

killitwithfire: the chat needs answers guys do something

* * *

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: he doesn't have to say you know

wolfofthenorth: yeah but the implications

shiftyourgazetome: don't think about the implications

magic;): no guys you're all confused

hawkice: then edxplain

magic;): he was asking for me of course

magic;): did you not know i swing in more than one direction?

shiftyourgazetome: ohhh cool

killitwithfire: what kind of swing moves in only one direction? like? how?

killitwithfire: does it just keep going forward until it goes over the top of the swing?

magic;): shit you're right

shiftyourgazetome: this is rude to the aces

lightofeyllwe: The asexuals would be seats, but at least they do not only go in one direction

wolfofthenorth: this metaphor is weird

hawkice: i'm a useless swing :(

killitwithfire: don't be sad, the useless swings get the most attention

chaolbestfall: I can't tell if this is part of the metaphor, too.

shiftyourgazetome: speaking of metaphors, get back to work

magic;): how is that to do with metaphors?

shiftyourgazetome: shut up and stop texting

killitwithfire: why are you

killitwithfire: oh

chaolbestfall: What is it?

shiftyourgazetome: some kinda shifty inspector

shiftyourgazetome: probably wants to do a review of our business

magic;): oof i'll keep an eye out for one too, then

lightofeyllwe: Good luck, Elentiya

* * *

**Private Message**

goodbi: what's up?

No: My friends are being dumb

goodbi: no change then?

No: See? This is why i like you

goodbi: <3

No: If asterin starts freaking out, please don't mind her

goodbi: why would she freak out?

goodbi: oh god

goodbi: she burst out of the door and started screaming before turning around and walking back in calmly

No: She just found out dorian and chaol are engaged

goodbi: wait what the fuck

No: Not you too

No: Don't tell anyone btw, it's secret rn

goodbi: how long have they

goodbi: wow i'm so shocked

No: That sounded sarcastic

goodbi: trust me it wasn't

No: And a long while, to answer your question

No: Chaol is known for taking things quickly

goodbi: wow

goodbi: i don't even know what to do with this information

No: Blackmail

goodbi: i'll congratulate them!

No: No

* * *

**Private Message**

goodbi: dorian!

magic;): elide!

goodbi: manon told me about you and chaol!

goodbi: congrats!

magic;): fuck!

* * *

**Private Message**

unknown: WATCH OUT

neithsarrow: not again

neithsarrow: tell me who you are or i'll block this number too

unknown: MORE IMPORTANTLY, DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?

neithsarrow: this is your last chance

unknown: AND THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING

neithsarrow: ffs

_neithsarrow has blocked unknown_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, procrastinating important work: here, take this new chapter! it was fun to write in my many free hours!
> 
> ((also if anyone catches ANY of my references please tell me))  
> ((either i only know rare fandoms or this fandom doesn't know about them yet))  
> ((willing to say the latter as there are barely any crossovers out of sjm here))


	14. ship chats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a metaphor... for how there are so many ships in this fandom...

**ship chat #1: lysandra + aedion**

magic;): just saying, the title of this chat is very suspicious

magic;): if any one of us sees a missing number, we'll know someone in our group of friends ships us with someone

killitwithfire: it truly raises the stakes

killitwithfire: wait

killitwithfire: i'm missing a lot of numbers

shiftyourgazetome: sucks for you lot

shiftyourgazetome: i'm in ALL of them

wolfofthenorth: same

chaolbestfall: Is the system that once you get together with someone, they are added to the chat?

killitwithfire: EXACTLY

killitwithfire: which is why we don't need this one

shiftyourgazetome: i'm proud to be in this group's ship #1

wolfofthenorth: i'm proud to be with you

shiftyourgazetome: <3

magic;): hey lysandra

shiftyourgazetome: yeah?

magic;): am i in all of them too?

magic;): lysandra?

magic;): omg

magic;): right i'm off to explore the other chats you guys made

* * *

**ship chat #2: aelin + rowan**

magic;): ah yes

magic;): the classic

chaolbestfall: At this point, they're probably just pretending to not notice each other's feelings and pranking us.

magic;): you'd know all about that ;)

shiftyourgazetome: ?

lorcanyounot: ugh i don't need spam today

magic;): onto the next chat!

* * *

**ship chat #3: dorian + aelin**

chaolbestfall: He knows about this chat and told me to tell you that he finds it hilarious.

shiftyourgazetome: did you betray us and tell him?

chaolbestfall: My loyalties are very clear.

wolfofthenorth: ffs

* * *

**ship chat #4: chaol + aelin**

magic;): hAFisaogwvhohAHSgfouhaahahahah

magic;): OH MY FIKIGN

shiftyourgazetome: are you about to tell chaol about it

magic;): i don't need to he already guessed

wolfofthenorth: stop that

hawkice: hey whst's chtv 2?

magic;): ONTO THE NEXT CHAT

* * *

**ship chat #5: chaol + nesryn**

magic;): this one... makes more sense

killitwithfire: more sense than whatever was in chats 2-4?

magic;): no comment

killitwithfire: HOW MANY SHIPS AM I IN?

wolfofthenorth: i don't want to answer

hawkice: oh

hawkice: njow i knopw what's in cfhat 2

killitwithfire: ... same now

magic;): good luck @chaol with this ship

magic;): anyway onto the next

* * *

**ship chat #6: manon + aelin**

magic;): hehehehhe

chaolbestfall: Can you not?

lorcanyounot: that's my line

chaolbestfall: I don't care.

shiftyourgazetome: ok this one was short lived but just IMAGINE THE POWER

magic;): oh true

* * *

**ship chat #7: manon + elide**

magic;): I SHIP

shiftyourgazetome: ^

wolfofthenorth: ^^

killitwithfire: ^^^

hawkice: ^^^^

hawkice: preferable to #6

magic;): #2

chaolbestfall: I also like this one.

magic;): HE APPROVES

magic;): THAT'S ALL WE NEED

killitwithfire: ok carry on

magic;): wait but this is the last one???

shiftyourgazetome: oh sweetie

* * *

**ship chat #8: dorian + asterin**

chaolbestfall: Dorian says I have to continue the trend.

wolfofthenorth: tell him he works well with asterin

chaolbestfall: He just turned around and yelled, "Tell _them_ I have no intention of sleeping with anyone else!"

shiftyourgazetome: wait what does that mean

shiftyourgazetome: is he, like, not doing the whole sex thing anymore?

chaolbestfall: He says he is, and that I'm a terrible messenger.

chaolbestfall: Wait.

killitwithfire: he just entered my apartment and i'm the new messenger

wolfofthenorth: i have a suspicion

wolfofthenorth: i think he's dating someone else

hawkice: a secret?

lorcanyounot: oh no here we go

shiftyourgazetome: oHO

shiftyourgazetome: OHOHOHHOHOOHHOH

chaolbestfall: I am concerned.

* * *

**Private Message**

unknown: hello? is this nesryn?

neithsarrow: who the fuck is this? can you stop texting me?

unknown: it's yrene

unknown: is everything ok over there?

neithsarrow: god i'm so sorry yrene, i have a weird spammer person

neithsarrow: btw, yep, i'm nesryn

unknown: ok, great! just wanted to say i'm moving in on tuesday!

neithsarrow: awesome! i'll clear up the spare room for you x

unknown: thank you!

* * *

**Private Message**

unknown: NESRYN

unknown: THIS IS A WARNING

neithsarrow: no

_neithsarrow has blocked unknown_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment your favourite ship(s)!
> 
> ((if anyone says #8, i will disown you))  
> ((i know i don't own you))  
> ((but STILL))


	15. queen m is coming to town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maeve is going to throw a party, and it's a BIG deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just found out the most popular ship among you guys reading is rowaelin... a ship i have not yet made canon and which gets very little attention at the moment... how are you coping with this...?

**witches**

hahano: wait what

hahano: say that again

No: No

No: This is texting, you can scroll up

hahano: i'm being DRAMATIC because i deserve to

goodbi: even i'm shocked!

No: Well, you shouldn't be

No: This has been building up for ages

hahano: i... true

goodbi: it's cool to know your friends are getting together finally

No: Look

No: Thea has been very obvious about liking kaya

hahano: true, but also wow

hahano: i'm v happy for them

hahano: i'm off to text them now

goodbi: i'll say congrats when i next see them :)

No: Whatever

No: More importantly, we have a huge order for someone called "Queen M" and so i'll have to cancel our meet up at the cafe today

goodbi: aww :(

hahano: does this mean i have to work overtime?

No: As your boss, i can't force you to work overtime without extra pay

No: As your cousin, i demand you do so

hahano: uhhhh i'll listen to the boss

No: Ok

goodbi: why does this queen m have such a big order?

No: The note just said to draw this weird symbol on all of them

No: 'Them' being the cupcakes

hahano: it's a cult, i'm calling it

No: Why would they have cake at a cult?

hahano: what flavour cake?

No: Red velvet, with black icing

No: Oh

goodbi: this is certainly exciting

goodbi: i want to meet this cult leader

goodbi: i have many questions

No: The note was handed in by someone who claimed to work for "Queen M", but i can request a signature from her so she has to come in?

goodbi: pls do that

hahano: yessssss

* * *

**power squad**

hawkice: hey everyonje

hawkice: you kn ow my old bossd maeve?

killitwithfire: ew i hated her

killitwithfire: she tried to take over my company

lorcanyounot: we know aelin you don't need to remind us every time we say her name

killitwithfire: shut up and sit in the corner like you usually do

shiftyourgazetome: shots fired

wolfofthenorth: what's up bro

hawkice: she's bhack i town

hawkice: she invitd me and my 'olittle friends' to a welcome bacfkn party

killitwithfire: i am not going and neither should you

hawkice: oh you were going ton be my date

killitwithfire: huh

shiftyourgazetome: will there be chocolate?

hawkice: she mentuioned dancing and cake

shiftyourgazetome: i'm in!

wolfofthenorth: i'll be your date <3

shiftyourgazetome: <3

lorcanyounot: i am obligated to go

magic;): i hate her with my full soul

magic;): but damn i'm not missing a party

chaolbestfall: Guess i'm coming too, then.

wolfofthenorth: yeah we need damage control

killitwithfire: i don't know... i'm kind of torn

lightofeyllwe: I am invited, and will go due to my responsibility

lightofeyllwe: I must talk to Maeve about her unsavoury methods

killitwithfire: ok i'm coming too

magic;): hey people

magic;): people

magic;): people

chaolbestfall: What?

magic;): what if my father turns up?

shiftyourgazetome: ooh i remember that whole thing

shiftyourgazetome: didn't maeve work with him to try and take down aelin?

magic;): yup

magic;): if he's there, i'm NOT going

magic;): i can find another party Thank You Very Much

wolfofthenorth: just avoid him

magic;): with these moves? nah that's impossible

killitwithfire: dude if you see him i'll walk out WITH you

killitwithfire: the only reason i'm agreeing is because it's fun to dance with danger

lightofeyllwe: Quite literally, in this case

hawkice: opk thanks everyone

hawkice: hey aelin are youy still being myb date?

killitwithfire: sure

* * *

**adarlan friends**

magic;): so maeve is back

magic;): this is something

chaolbestfall: It's brave of her, considering what happened last time we saw her.

killitwithfire: total humiliation! we chased her out with the revelation of her crimes!

magic;): we remember

magic;): anyway she'll probably be chased out again

chaolbestfall: What is she up to this time?

killitwithfire: we have to be on the alert for any schemes

killitwithfire: oh god i have an idea

magic;): go on deanna

killitwithfire: what if we write a welcome back article so everyone knows she's back?

chaolbestfall: So that they can prepare and know that she may be plotting?

chaolbestfall: Good plan.

magic;): !!!!

killitwithfire: i'll take that as approval

killitwithfire: ok i'm off to write stuff

magic;): no absolutely not, i'll do it

chaolbestfall: He's had all those fancy writing tutoring sessions, remember?

chaolbestfall: He can write very passive aggressively when he tries.

magic;): thanks babe

chaolbestfall: ... And sometimes, he doesn't even use grammar.

magic;): damn straight

magic;): wait no that's inaccurate

killitwithfire: fine you can write the article

killitwithfire: but do it before maeve returns or it may be too late

magic;): i'm on it

chaolbestfall: Also add a couple of sentences about your father in there.

killitwithfire: good call

killitwithfire: WOAH I JUST HAD THE WEIRDEST IDEA

killitwithfire: what if they were like together? is that where he's been?

magic;): 1) ew

magic;): 2) no

magic;): 3) eW

chaolbestfall: Let's not go down that rabbit hole, Aelin. You'll be the one who ends up looking bad for suggesting it.

killitwithfire: fair

killitwithfire: ok i'm out

* * *

**Private Message**

yread: do you like murder mysteries?

neithsarrow: sure, why do you ask?

yread: no reason

yread: but have you read murder of roger ackroyd?

neithsarrow: not yet but i plan to when i find the book

yread: cool

yread: see you soon

neithsarrow: ok?

* * *

**Private Message**

No: When did you decide this?

magic;): a while back, actually, but we were just making sure it was free

No: So are you not inviting any of THOSE friends?

magic;): why wouldn't we?

No: You haven't told them yet

magic;): we'll get to it

No: You don't have much time for that

magic;): maybe not, but they're definitely coming

No: What a shame

magic;): oi

* * *

**Private Message**

unknown: NESRYN I WARN YOU

neithsarrow: ok now i've actually consulted someone on how to deal with you

neithsarrow: what's my last name?

unknown: what?

neithsarrow: since you seem to know SO MUCH about me

unknown: um

unknown: i only want to help

neithsarrow: by spamming me?

neithsarrow: what's really going on?

unknown: i really AM

unknown: chaol has hurt someone i know very well

unknown: i just want to stop that from happening to you

neithsarrow: trust me, i'm quite safe

neithsarrow: so you can turn off your overprotective attitude, it's not appreciated

neithsarrow: especially as you are technically a stranger

unknown: you know me

neithsarrow: ...

neithsarrow: the irony of you being an unknown number and saying that is truly impressive

unknown: i see why it may have seemed strange, but i do have good intentions

unknown: i think

neithsarrow: well, seeing as i'm not even dating him, i don't see how he could hurt me

unknown: wait what?

unknown: you're not dating him?

neithsarrow: do keep it to yourself, it's meant to be a harmless prank

unknown: well, i certainly won't bother you anymore with THIS new information

unknown: it was... nice actually engaging in real conversation with you

neithsarrow: hm

neithsarrow: let's not do it again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who is the unknown number? and will they keep the secret? and are we going to discuss thea/kaya or only mention it once like in the series?
> 
> ALSO ONE MONTH OF THIS FIC! *confetti*


	16. lies are uncovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> consequences and other stuff i guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was busy for a bit but it's all cleared up so i'm back! is this a curse or a blessing? haha idk

**Private Message**

wolfofthenorth: uh ok

wolfofthenorth: i have big news

shiftyourgazetome: you're pregnant?

wolfofthenorth: wha

wolfofthenorth: how?

wolfofthenorth: ??????

shiftyourgazetome: it was a joke, don't fret

wolfofthenorth: ok...

wolfofthenorth: anyway

wolfofthenorth: i got a tip off from an unknown number about chaol and nesryn

shiftyourgazetome: SHE'S pregnant?

wolfofthenorth: no??? not at all??? why are you obsessed with this???

shiftyourgazetome: nvm go on what's the beef?

wolfofthenorth: they aren't actually dating apparently

shiftyourgazetome: WHAT

shiftyourgazetome: do you have proof? why did this happen? what is the reason?

_wolfofthenorth sent 1 photo_

wolfofthenorth: i also asked for proof and they sent this

shiftyourgazetome: A PRANK?

shiftyourgazetome: WHY???

shiftyourgazetome: I HAVE QUESTIONS

* * *

**power squad**

killitwithfire: so red?

hawkice: no hblue

killitwithfire: "hblue" isn't a real colour

hawkice: stopn it's not my faultb itfy's hard to tyope

killitwithfire: what's that? you agree with red? great!

killitwithfire: i'll pick out a matching red tie when i go to buy my dress

lightofeyllwe: Ah yes, with me and Lysandra?

killitwithfire: absolutely

killitwithfire: hey lysandra you still up for that?

magic;): why am i not invited?

killitwithfire: no this is just for girls

magic;): FINE chaol with come with me

lorcanyounot: if he finds time

hawkice: oh yheah he's alwaysv withb nesryn

magic;): betrayal

shiftyourgazetome: HOLD YOUR HORSES YOU LITTLE SHITS

killitwithfire: who are you addressing

shiftyourgazetome: WHO WAS IN ON THIS CHAOL/NESRYN THING?

hawkice: onl,y them... they're a ciuple of two people

hawkice: right?

lightofeyllwe: Is everything all right, Lysandra?

lorcanyounot: i think she finally went crazy

shiftyourgazetome: AELIN

shiftyourgazetome: DORIAN

shiftyourgazetome: YOU'RE SUSPICIOUSLY QUIET

killitwithfire: i have no clue what you're accusing me of

magic;): i'm just waiting for you to explain!

shiftyourgazetome: PEOPLE

shiftyourgazetome: NESRYN IS NOT DATING CHAOL

_wolfofthenorth sent 1 photo_

hawkice: what idsc this dedception?

magic;): oh boy

lorcanyounot: oh ho HO

lorcanyounot: what do you know magic boy?

lightofeyllwe: I am not surprised

shiftyourgazetome: scrap that, what does nehemia know?

wolfofthenorth: aelin say something or we'll blame you

killitwithfire: ...

killitwithfire: WE TOTALLY GOT YOU HASHAHAHAH

wolfofthenorth: ... i regret asking for that

hawkice: wheree's chaol now?

magic;): asleep

shiftyourgazetome: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT, HMM?

magic;): we're roommates

killitwithfire: oh my god they were roommates

magic;): immature

killitwithfire: hypocrite

magic;): touché

wolfofthenorth: how did you type that so fast?

magic;): the accent? it's hold and swipe for phone and alt gr e on computer

wolfofthenorth: no just the whole exchange

killitwithfire: we type fast

killitwithfire: deal with it

shiftyourgazetome: i think we're missing the point here

shiftyourgazetome: THEY LIED TO US

killitwithfire: deal with it

lorcanyounot: stop saying that

killitwithfire: NO

killitwithfire: dEaL WiTh iT

chaolbestfall: Jesus Christ.

magic;): he has arrived

wolfofthenorth: CHAOL

wolfofthenorth: I DEMAND YOU APOLOGISE IMMEDIATELY

magic;): he just put his phone down and left to make breakfast instead

wolfofthenorth: YOU BASTARD

lightofeyllwe: I do not think we should overreact. Chaol has good reasons for everything he does, so he will probably explain in his own time

hawkice: nehemia, ever the voice of reason

killitwithfire: oh so NOW your keyboard works perfectly huh?

hawkice: shut it fireshitter

killitwithfire: i

killitwithfire: i demand to have a lawyer

* * *

**witches**

goodbi: how many cupcakes does she want?

No: 200

hahano: she's ott, i'm calling it

hahano: also this is one huge cult

No: And I don't understand why she thinks red velvet cupcakes with black icing and a black symbol on it is... like a good idea at all???

goodbi: how would you be able to see the symbol?

No: See? Poor planning

hahano: also red velvet cupcakes usually have a swirl of cream icing

hahano: that's what red velvet is ABOUT you guys

goodbi: i agree with asterin

goodbi: this seems to be a cult

No: Have i mentioned the specialised black cupcake cases she gave us?

hahano: CULT

goodbi: cult

No: And the name... "queen m"...

hahano: CULT CULT CULT CULT CULT

* * *

**Private Message**

yread: would you mind buying some pasta from the shop on your way back?

neithsarrow: as long as you cook it!

neithsarrow: i love your pasta

yread: thanks!

yread: i was planning to cook it, though i could teach you too if you'd like

yread: it's not too complicated

neithsarrow: learning to cook YOUR pasta?

neithsarrow: sign me up!!!

* * *

**adarlan friends**

chaolbestfall: Now they will have to figure it out.

magic;): don't underestimate their ignorance

magic;): we've been together for years and they haven't noticed

chaolbestfall: they never had a reason to

hahano: whoa what's going on?

hahano: catch me up on the drama

No: Don't tell me they realised nesryn was just a prank

killitwithfire: spot on hot one

No: What

killitwithfire: ok that sounded 10000 times better in my head

hahano: lol

hahano: NOW TELL ME EVERYTHING

chaolbestfall: She just guessed it exactly correct.

No: ^

magic;): if you mean how they reacted, i can send you the screenshots

hahano: that is EXACTLY what i meant

hahano: this guy gets me

magic;): HEY I HAVE AN IDEA

chaolbestfall: Dorian, don't you dare.

magic;): WANT TO COME PLAY UNO WITH US?

hahano: YES PLEASE

killitwithfire: what about me you traitor?

magic;): pfft we don't need to ask you celeana, you're always welcome

killtiwthfire: ah yes

killitwithfire: except when it's past 10pm right?

magic;): we need beauty sleep

No: I don't think she was referring to that, dorian

magic;): what could you POSSIBLY mean?

magic;): ow

chaolbestfall: I hit him with a saucepan.

No: Thank you

hahano: rapunzel is that you?

killitwithfire: it might be... or is he flynn...?

hahano: he'd never be a thief

killitwithfire: fair

* * *

* * *

**THE FAE NEWS**

**_TWO FACES OF MAEVE_ **

_Two separate anonymous journalists have made articles about the arrival of an infamous figure, and deep politics have been revealed!_

Yesterday, two newspapers published different articles about the same person: the mysterious ex-CEO known as Maeve. She left the town last time after a scathing humiliation, her dignity and company ripped to shred, but it seems that she has returned for more. Not even having officially come back, she has already become the talk of social media.

One article says that she has redeemed herself abroad and is here to reclaim her "wonderful and flourishing business", painting her in an almost overly-optimistic light. The other accuses her of "daring to come back to the town she has wronged and deceived over and over". But who truly wrote these articles, and why do they disagree?

Online, many more have chipped in with personal experiences and opinions, and the debate is ferocious. Some say that Maeve deserves a chance for redemption, while others think she should stay wherever she has been for the last few years.

Maeve has also seemingly organised a large gala full of old associates, and we can only guess how that will end. What politics will occur at this huge party? Will it be enough to dazzle and inspire the guests? Chances are, we'll find out soon.

What do you think of Maeve and her dark past? Send us your comments and we may publish them in the next issue!

_Article by Ansel Briarcliff_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please drop a comment and tell me what you'd like to see! i only have two major plot points planned so i can also fit in a few subplots (and before someone asks for rowaelin, i'm getting onto that soon!)


	17. how to make many cupcakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the engine in thrumming, the people are whispering, and you can hear the author yelling as they pull together the strings and try to assemble a plot (which is counter-intuitive as the name of that author describes their affinity for not having a plot line)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> take this and pretend it makes sense  
> please

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: woah

shiftyourgazetome: _link_

wolfofthenorth: i'm so confused

shiftyourgazetome: check out the link dumbass

wolfofthenorth: rude but ok

killitwithfire: OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING

chaolbestfall: Do not overreact.

killitwithfire: THE CHAOS IS B E G I N N I N G

shiftyourgazetome: two articles about maeve already? like really?

wolfofthenorth: and who would defend her?

hawkice: msybe lorcan orv one of gthe otherfs?

lorcanyounot: i would not write an article like that

killitwithfire: SAOCAIAL MEDIA IDS EXPLAODING

magic;): she and rowan are finally united... in bad spelling...

chaolbestfall: You can talk.

magic;): this is betrayal of the highest level

shiftyourgazetome: can we address the fact that she's caUSING TROUBLE ALREADY?

wolfofthenorth: maybe they'll kick her out

magic;): hopefully

hawkice: she never has been afraid of the spotlight

killitwithfire: at least people are warned and ready though right?

chaolbestfall: I can state for a fact that this will affect our experience at the party. Maybe we should skip it.

killitwithfire: NOPE

killitwithfire: WE'RE STAGING A C O N F R O N T A T I O N

magic;): fuck yeah

shiftyourgazetome: count me in

wolfofthenorth: yessss

lorcanyounot: ew i'm avoiding you all there

hawkice: i woukd likde to take partg

chaolbestfall: You are all idiots.

magic;): YOUR idiot

magic;): *idiots

killitwithfire: hahahahahah

killitwithfire: also you can bet i'll make sure they play the confrontation from the speakers when we approach

magic;): valjean at last we see each other plain

lorcanyounot: i don't get it

chaolbestfall: And to think, they're making these references more and more obvious as time passes.

shiftyourgazetome: meta

wolfofthenorth: ???

shiftyourgazetome: nevermind

* * *

**witches**

No: Right we're almost done with her order

goodbi: that was pretty fast

hahano: with three of us sorting ingredients, three of us baking red velvet cupcakes, three making and applying icing and three putting on that symbol, we've got it covered

goodbi: there's one left

hahano: manon sorts out regular customers

No: Non-regulars are told to go away until we're not busy anymore

goodbi: how do you still have customers?

No: I'm charming

hahano: we're convenient

goodbi: ... sure

No: The regulars includes you, elide

No: Where are you?

goodbi: i have work today

hahano: ooh what do you do?

goodbi: i mostly do babysitting

goodbi: sometimes i clean the tables and stuff at restaurants

No: You're a débarrasseur?

hahano: a what?

goodbi: i looked that up, and yes, i suppose i am

hahano: uh some people call them bussers which is what i've heard of

No: She's not a bus driver you idiot

hahano: that's not what i

hahano: you know what

hahano: stick to your fancy french

hahano: i don't CARE

No: Ok

goodbi: true entertainment is asterin being dramatic

hahano: hey

* * *

**Private Message**

yread: so chaol recommended we should be roommates

yread: how do you know him?

neithsarrow: we fake dated for a bit

yread: what? why?

yread: doesn't sound like a chaol thing to do

neithsarrow: idk he never said why

neithsarrow: apparently it was a prank

yread: and only aelin and dorian knew?

neithsarrow: something like that

yread: wow, not too shocked

yread: they love their pranks

neithsarrow: how do you know him then?

yread: we real-dated for a long while

neithsarrow: ah

yread: the break up was a little messy but we're cool now

yread: more or less

neithsarrow: what happened?

yread: ah it's not my story to tell, i'd say i'm pretty innocent in all this

neithsarrow: did he cheat on you or something?

yread: NO

yread: just... figured out we weren't working

neithsarrow: oh

neithsarrow: hey, do you want to hang out at the bar? maybe we can get back into the dating thing

neithsarrow: i heard they have some good options there

yread: alright, but don't expect me to be successful! i'm not so good with getting dates

neithsarrow: sure, no worries

neithsarrow: see ya

yread: bye!

* * *

**adarlan friends**

_killitwithfire has removed No_

_killitwithfire has removed hahano_

killitwithfire: guys we need to deal with the maeve thing

magic;): why would you remove my friends?

killitwithfire: it's not about them

killitwithfire: add them back later

magic;): fine

magic;): what's up?

killitwithfire: we need to prepare for the party

magic;): list the tasks

killitwithfire: ok i'll try:

killitwithfire: - have someone check the place for traps or hidden cameras

killitwithfire: - colour coordinate

killitwithfire: - ensure we have enough money for the event

killitwithfire: - make sure the music doesn't suck

killitwithfire: - get the reporters on our side

killitwithfire: - organise soundtrack to our confrontation with maeve and maybe also your dad

magic;): i can help with the music and the money

chaolbestfall: I'll handle the traps and hidden cameras.

chaolbestfall: Also, I can talk to the reporters about painting us in a good light, but I don't like biasing the media.

magic;): it's chill babe

magic;): maeve is mega evil

chaolbestfall: Feels like exaggeration but I'll take it.

killitwithfire: ok i've got the confrontation soundtrack and plan

killitwithfire: also the colour coordination

chaolbestfall: I will start with Ansel, that reporter who seems relatively balanced. She would be good on our side.

killitwithfire: WHT AETHE FUCK

killitwithfire: ANSEL????

killitwithfire: i know her, i'll get in contact

magic;): what a rollercoaster

magic;): hey chaol try the tabloids, they love this shit

chaolbestfall: I know. Everyone knows that.

magic;): FINE GO AWAY

chaolbestfall: You are a child.

magic;): yes, and i'm complete with the daddy issues

chaolbestfall: I'm done here.

magic;): chaol

magic;): chaol

magic;): abe

magic;): shit *babe

* * *

**Private Message**

No: Hey elide look at this

_No sent a photo_

No: What do i say to that?

goodbi: that's sketchy

goodbi: cult cULT CULT

No: Ha ha

No: What do i do?

* * *

* * *

_Hello, Manon Blackbeak._

_Thank you for taking my order. I hope you are able to produce as good cupcakes as promised, as they are for a very special occasion. I shall not be able to enter and sign your forms, but you may use the sticker at the bottom of the page which allows for a single-time indirect sign. Please use it carefully, as I shall only provide one. As I am unable to appear in public due to my striking appearance, I will collect the product from your deliveries entrance._

_I would say that I will see you soon, but I will not._

_Queen M_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have made two one shots for this fandom. neither are canon compliant. this says a lot about my opinion of the books. thought they are well-written, don't get me wrong! both one shots do not feel ready so i will revise them until i feel they are prepared to face the wrath of the world. wish me luck lol
> 
> anyway bye


	18. no pumpkin carriage, just an uber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> standing here stuck  
> on the steps of the palace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a short filler more than anything else, hope you all enjoy!

**adarlan friends**

killitwithfire: are you all ready?

magic;): yep

chaolbestfall: We have been for a while.

killitwithfire: ok, i called an uber

killitwithfire: meet me at the corner of the street

chaolbestfall: Why did you order an Uber? You have a car.

killitwithfire: i can't drink and drive chaol

killitwithfire: ugh you're so irresponsible

magic;): are you sure about getting drunk?

killitwithfire: you too?

magic;): ffs deanna

magic;): you need to be sober to face maeve

killitwithfire: fine

killitwithfire: oh but afterwards i'm heading STRAIGHT to the bar

chaolbestfall: Aelin, no.

magic;): straight huh?

killitwithfire: lol

* * *

**power squad**

magic;): the og trio are on our way!

shiftyourgazetome: fab, i'm with aedion in his car

shiftyourgazetome: he says hello

shiftyourgazetome: can't text and drive

hawkice: i arrived earl,yg with loircan

lorcanyounot: we need to have some respect for our former boss

lorcanyounot: i still need her reference

killitwithfire: nehemia are you there yet?

lightofeyllwe: I had to be very early, so yes

killitwithfire: noice

killitwithfire: ok people brace yourselves

magic;): good luck everyone

* * *

**witches**

No: The cupcakes have been collected

No: I don't think queen m knows she didn't need to send me that signature sticker thing, she's already signed all the paperwork

hahano: keep it! stickers are awesome!

goodbi: i second that :)

hahano: thank you

hahano: hey manon where are you?

No: I decided to go out tonight

No: Sorry to ditch you at the apartment, but you actually do it all the time so no, i'm not that sorry

goodbi: where are you going?

No: Party

hahano: wow

hahano: say pysch now

No: I can send you photographic evidence

_No has shared a photo_

hahano: i

hahano: what dimension is this

goodbi: that's so cool manon! whose party is it?

No: Maeve, that awful lady from ages ago

hahano: ew i hate her

No: Just came as a backup because i feel like my friends will get their asses kicked

goodbi: that's sweet :)

hahano: you are a cinnamon roll elide

goodbi: i don't understand but it sounds like a compliment so thanks? :)

No: Oh the doors are opening

No: Hundreds of people are stuck in a crowd on the steps haha

No: This is quality entertaintment

hahano: yep that's our manon

* * *

**adarlan friends**

killitwithfire: i see her

killitwithfire: get ready boys

magic;): ok the dj is ready

killitwithfire: chaol?

chaolbestfall: The reporters are sufficiently distracted by Lysandra and Aedion making out.

killitwithfire: ew but good

killitwithfire: are you all ready?

magic;): yes

killitwithfire: time for a

killitwithfire: c o n f r o n t a t i o n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up is the party itself!


	19. confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> c o n f r o n t a t i o n
> 
> whoa what have i done?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i disappeared for like 9 or so days... but i'm back and have many things to post, so yay? also i'm about to go on a commenting spree, so keep an eye out for me lol

**witches**

No: Oh god

goodbi: everything ok?

No: No

No: My friends are super dumb i need to refresh them

hahano: what did they do? i love their antics

No: Nothing yet but they're looking too fishy

No: What is this

No: They're talking to the dj???

goodbi: maybe they just want to choose an ambitious song?

hahano: these guys? nah

hahano: best case is a flash mob

hahano: worst case is a fight

No: It's maeve

No: What do you think it will be?

No: They keep looking at their phones

goodbi: i wonder what they're texting about

* * *

**adarlan friends**

magic;): manon keeps looking at her phone and it's stressing me out

magic;): what if she's calling the police?

killitwithfire: nothing's happened yet

killitwithfire: actually why is she here?

magic;): i told her we needed backup

chaolbestfall: Then this is your own fault.

magic;): BACKUP DOES NOT MEAN CALLING THE POLICE ON YOUR FRIENDS

killitwithfire: she can't DO anything

killitwithfire: carry on with the plan

magic;): everything's ready, right?

chaolbestfall: I still don't think this is smart.

killitwithfire: GREAT LET'S G O

killitwithfire: TIME FOR A

chaolbestfall: She's going to say confrontation, isn't she?

magic;): yes

killitwithfire: C O N F R O N T A T I O N

killitwithfire: ok so i'll meet you guys at the cake table

magic;): on our way

chaolbestfall: Why do you insist on clinging to my arm?

chaolbestfall: What happened to secrecy?

magic;): this is a heteronormative society and a posh party

magic;): they'll think we're good bros even if i propose

chaolbestfall: Which would be unnecessary.

killitwithfire: yh, you're already engaged WOW

magic;): we know this

magic;): anyway don't complain, i'm getting used to it and honestly let's do this MORE

chaolbestfall: Oh god, he's being affectionate.

killitwithfire: mood

killitwithfire: hey these cupcakes are awesome

magic;): give us details as we come over

killitwithfire: ok so they're black and have this black symbol on which is a weird design??? but they're red velvet and soooo good

magic;): that sounds vaguely familiar

chaolbestfall: Manon is glaring at us and stalking us. This is not good.

killitwithfire: walk faster

magic;): she's walking faster too now

chaolbestfall: We're literally running now, and she's just chasing us.

magic;): fuuuuckkkkk

magic;): OK WE'RE AT THE CAKES LET'S RUN AND LOSE HER

killitwithfire: GOT IT I'M COMING

* * *

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: aelin wtf

shiftyourgazetome: why are you running across the room?

wolfofthenorth: are you... chasing... dorian and chaol...

lorcanyounot: ha look manon is there too

shiftyourgazetome: she's chasing them too what the hell is happening

hawkice: aelin i asked youy to be myb datye b ut i didnt expevtv this

lightofeyllwe: I see them, too

lightofeyllwe: Maeve is with me

lightofeyllwe: She is also confused and I find it quite amusing

wolfofthenorth: what

wolfofthenorth: wait is she actually here???

shiftyourgazetome: it's her party

wolfofthenorth: you know those celebs

shiftyourgazetome: she's basically a criminal

wolfofthenorth: look, in her position i would just leave early

hawkice: wshoa whos whoa

hawkice: what's all thwis?

shiftyourgazetome: the music

shiftyourgazetome: oh no now i understand that conversation

lorcanyounot: Oh.

lightofeyllwe: I don't know this song...

wolfofthenorth: oOHASFOSVq they just stepped onto the stage what happened to the chase

shiftyourgazetome: manon's face haha

shiftyourgazetome: also MAEVE IS STEPPING ONTO THE STAGE TOO WHATT

killitwithfire: CONFRONTATION

hawkice: arffgdejj hdlewp wht the fu ck is haoppenign??//?/

* * *

**witches**

No: They just

No: I

No: I'm speechless

hahano: UPDATE US

goodbi: what is it?

No: They're... presenting their... arguments against maeve in a... unique way...

goodbi: oh look ellipses

hahano: unique?

No: And she is... responding in kind...

hahano: what is the FULL STORY?

* * *

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: i am blessed to witness this

wolfofthenorth: *cursed

shiftyourgazetome: **blessed

lightofeyllwe: I never thought Maeve would have it in her

lightofeyllwe: This is very entertaining

hawkice: thjat's my dawte ande my oldb boss!!!"!!!1111

hawkice: i'kmn so dead

shiftyourgazetome: this is beautiful

shiftyourgazetome: lorcan's filming it

shiftyourgazetome: hey @lorcanyounot you better send the video to me

shiftyourgazetome: ok i'm uploading this to my insta

wolfofthenorth: why is my cousin like this

wolfofthenorth: god can we please just leave?

shiftyourgazetome: N O

lightofeyllwe: I should invite those three for every meeting and party I have!

* * *

**Private Message**

hahano: hey lysandra remember me?

shiftyourgazetome: say your name and i might

hahano: asterin

shiftyourgazetome: ASTERIN! you were hilarious

hahano: ah thank you

hahano: i have an important question

hahano: what's happening with aelin and dorian and chaol rn?

hahano: manon is being so cryptic about it

shiftyourgazetome: oh you poor things

shiftyourgazetome: i'll get lorcan to send you the video

hahano: w h a t i s i t ?

shiftyourgazetome: ok ok i'll tell you

* * *

**witches**

hahano: THEY'RE HAVING A RAP BATTLE?????!!!!!

hahano: WITHOUT ME?!?!?!

No: Ah great, you found out

goodbi: that's amazing!

goodbi: are they any good?

No: Both parties are very talented, yes

No: Who told you asterin?

hahano: i won't snitch

hahano: anyway you BETTER SEND ME A VIDEO

goodbi: ooh and me please!

No: I can't believe i'm still here

No: I'm leaving if they don't stop in twenty seconds

hahano: NO STAY STAY

goodbi: wait

No: Fine

No: I'm going to eat something

No: Hey these are our cakes

hahano: huh?

goodbi: no way!

goodbi: is maeve...

No: Queen M? Seems so

hahano: plot twistttttttt

hahano: hey @author end the fucking chapter, it's a plot twist

* * *

* * *

**SHOWDOWN AT MAEVE'S PARTY!!! MAEVE RAPS AND IS ROASTED!!! [NOT CLICKBAIT]**

[Video]

_silentassassin liked this video_

_realrenagoldsmith: good singing, kids, we should collaborate!_

_inthebenzone: hahahha fucking destroyed_

_falkan-e: i can't believe it's not ~~butter~~ clickbait_

_snappingandwhistling: This is why you don't stoop to these levels at your own party. Link to info about mine: [link]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this wasn't as long as planned but i was rudely interru
> 
> hey that was rud
> 
> ast


	20. let's rap this up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i didn't think i'd finish this early but here we are! some tying of loose ends, and untying of others

**adarlan friends**

magic;): that was wild

killitwithfire: it was awesome

chaolbestfall: It was a disaster.

chaolbestfall: We are never doing again.

magic;): whyyyyy

killitwithfire: but even maeve enjoyed it!

magic;): everyone loved it!

killitwithfire: we're internet heroes!

magic;): i think we've chased her out for good

chaolbestfall: That was the only good thing that's happened in the last 24 hours.

magic;): i am personally offended

chaolbestfall: You should be.

killitwithfire: ahsidj anyway

killitwithfire: should we check the internet for the reaction?

chaolbestfall: It's hard to avoid.

killitwithfire: no but properly

magic;): yesss

killitwithfire: ok i'll check for videos, chaol check for articles, dorian check for m e m e s

magic;): YES

chaolbestfall: Alright, I can do that.

killitwithfire: let's go squad!

**power squad**

shiftyourgazetome: NEXT TIME I SWEAR

shiftyourgazetome: NEXT TIME YOU PULL SOMETHING LIKE THIS

shiftyourgazetome: _WITHOUT ME_

shiftyourgazetome: I WILL KILL YOU ALL

wolfofthenorth: omg

chaolbestfall: You can take my place.

magic;): we can't do it without you

chaolbestfall: Deal with it.

lorcanyounot: ah finally

lorcanyounot: quality reply

hawkice: dcid lorcan justv approbe of someone

killitwithfire: i never thought i'd see the day

killitwithfire: but here we are

shiftyourgazetome: holy shit

shiftyourgazetome: i'm screENSHOTTING THIS

lightofeyllwe: I am glad to see that Maeve has left again

lightofeyllwe: She was hardly pleasant to talk to

magic;): i cant believe we chased her out with a r a p

killitwithfire: it was an EPIC rap!

chaolbestfall: Some newspapers would disagree.

wolfofthenorth: and some would agree

hawkice: an yway

hawkice: hown do yopub send a direect messagve/

shiftyourgazetome: just click their name and then 'message'

hawkice: thanjksn lysacndra

**witches**

No: Asterin are you online?

hahano: always

goodbi: great! we have something to say!

hahano: nice go on

No: The truth is, we have been concealing a secret from you for some time now

No: A secret that may be of importance to you

hahano: _what_

hahano: _hey what the fuck_

goodbi: we're dating! yay!

No: ...Basically

hahano: HAGUOVHS IN VEW YOU WHAT FO RHOW LONG WHAT WHY OWULDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT EWTHSIlVABS DOURVBSDIN C

hahano: rude

goodbi: glad to see you're taking it well

No: It's moments like these i'm glad we ARE dating

goodbi: <3

hahano: ok you know what you're too cute and i'm happy for you

hahano: now i'm off to scream into the wind

No: It's sunny

hahano: shUT UP

goodbi: ha

**Private Message**

yread: got a new job!

neithsarrow: nice! where is it?

yread: the boss is someone called havilliard?

neithsarrow: oh like dorian?

yread: yeah, but he's older i think, so maybe a distant cousin

yread: wish me luck!

neithsarrow: good luck!

**Private Message**

hawkice: hi aelin

killitwithfire: no typos! i guess that explains why you took 2 minutes to type that

killitwithfire: anyway hi what's up?

hawkice: are you free tomorrow at 6?

killitwithfire: i am

killitwithfire: is this a date?

hawkice: nmo!!!1!

hawkice: maybe

hawkice: can i meet you at the glass castle?

killitwithfire: sure, i'm into it

killitwithfire: i'll see you there

killitwithfire: wear a blue tie!

hawkice: ok!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like i set myself up to do a sequel, but i'm probably going to work on other stuff first. hope you enjoyed!
> 
> thanks for reading, everyone! especially those of you who commented, you genuinely are so helpful and it really encourages me x


End file.
